"How to Survive the Empty Nest Phase" (Pamela Fariole)

TITLE: How to Survive the Empty Nest Phase
AUTHOR: Pamela Fariole
PUBLISHER: Independent Publishing, 2022, (158 pages).
 

What do you do when your children grow up? What happens when you feel you are no longer needed? How do you deal with loneliness as your children leave the home one by one? According to author Pamela Fariole, it is about overcoming the initial stage of grieving toward a new stage in life: Surviving as an empty nester. Many parents will recognize such feelings. From birth to school, and from school to college, parents have revolved their lives around their children. For over twenty years, they disciplined, educated, fed, ferried, nurtured, and supplied their children with whatever they needed. There are many resources on what to do pre and post-pregnancy, caring for toddlers, parenting young children, bringing up teenagers, relating to young adults, and general parent-child relationships. On the other end of the spectrum, there are also many resources on aging and retirement. However, when it comes to empty-nesting, resources are surprisingly hard to come by. This book fills in this gap to help us manage our grief, find relief, and cultivate joy through this process. Having children is a joy. Bringing them up is a challenge filled with many ups and downs. Seeing them leave the home can usher in a flood of inexplicable emotions. That sums up the emotional journey of many parents around the world. This book is that guide to help us make this journey with purpose and wisdom. 

"An Uncommon Guide to Retirement" (Jeff Haanen)

TITLE: An Uncommon Guide to Retirement: Finding God's Purpose for the Next Season of Life
AUTHOR: Jeff Haanen
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2019, (204 pages).

What do we do when we retire? For some, it is an extended vacation but the problem is affordability. Some go to other extreme by claiming they don't have enough money, and prefer to save up for the proverbial rainy day. Some Christians believe that the idea of an endless vacation is not biblical. Still others think that they need a bigger vision and purpose for retirement. Each of these options have their pros and cons. In this book, author Jeff Haanen challenges the typical views about what to do after retirement and argues that believers ought to resist fear, doubt, and uncertainty with a better sense of relationship and trust in God. He calls his counter-cultural views as "uncommon views." Many common topics are discussed. He looks at culture first, looking at the reasons why retirement is increasingly being talked about. He asks new questions of his own about work, finances, rest, family, calling, and purpose. He observes our shifting cultural climate that will have a greater proportion of aging Baby Boomers; increasing financial struggle; limited and uncertain pension plans; rising health care costs; and continued fear of the future. Haanen deals with each of these relevant matters thoughtfully with a gentle touch of realism.

"What's Next?" (H. Norman Wright)

TITLE: What's Next?: Navigating Transitions to Make the Rest of Your Life Count
AUTHOR: H. Norman Wright
PUBLISHER: Bloomington, MN: Bethany House Publishers, 2012, (240 pages).

This book is about navigating transitions through each stage of our lives. From birth to young adults; from marriage to parenting; from retiring to dying, every stage comes with its different joys, despairs, hopes, and challenges. With skillful hands like a surgeon, the author sensitively identifies the ups and downs of each stage, helping readers to make some sense out of it before presenting suggestions toward making the rest of one's life count. The aim is to lead readers from broken-hearted to healing, from healing to whole-hearted living.

Wright is spot on in his categorization of the three broad stages of life.

1. "I'm Needed by Others" stage which deals with phases of our lives in which we feel useful, independent, and able to give of our energies, resources, and ourselves
2. "I'm no longer needed by others" stage where we experience loss of worth or purpose, as we let go of the previous state of independence.
3. "I Need Others" stage where we increasingly become dependent beings as we grow physically more frail, and move past retirement phase.

The key question that Wright poses to readers of every phase is this: When is it time to "let go of, or start letting go of . .. ?" He begins with the Boomers, where children are showered lots of goodies, and then uses 9 tips from Kay Strom's Second Half Adventures to help readers plan their transitions at a post-Boomer phase. He covers the emotional intensities of parenting, brilliantly integrating Unell and Wyckokk's The Eight Seasons of Parenthood to enable readers to get a sense of their phase. On midlife, he identifies 8 traits of the mid-life crisis, and proposes 5 ways toward constructive perspectives. He asserts that it is very possible to progress positively as parents enter the 'empty-nest stage' of life. As a licensed marriage counselor himself, Wright shines in bringing out pertinent pointers with regards to the second half of marriage. He even have tips for parents encountering the 'Boomerang generation' when their adult kids return to stay with them. There are also chapters for learning to deal with losses, death, remarriage, retirement, aging, and the legacy we can leave. The final chapter is about dying and death, which is not a morbid thing, but taken in the light of hope in God through the Scriptures, it can be a beautiful phase of life.

Closing Thoughts

For a book that is less than 240 pages, this book is extremely dense in terms of practical tips and advice. More importantly, the book shines in its ability to identify key human feelings through each phase of life. It helps readers to make sense of where they are, and to point toward a future tomorrow that is hopeful and helpful. Wright has given us a wonderful resource unique enough for anyone to navigate through each phase of their lives, and common enough in terms of the familiar transitions we will all experience in a matter of time. If you are intending to use this book for many years, buy a printed copy, preferably a hardcover one that you can preserve. Mark it. Highlight it. Read it again and again. Not only will it prepare us to anticipate the various transitions of life, it keeps us looking forward with hope rather than to stumble back to always lament about the 'good old days.' After all, didn't Ecclesiastes warn us:

"Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions." (Eccl 7:10)

Instead, ask God to show us the timing and the excitement to ask: "What's Next?"

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me free by Bethany House Publishers without any obligation for a positive review. Opinions furnished above are mine unless otherwise stated.