"It's All Relative" (A.J. Jacobs)

TITLE: It's All Relative: Adventures Up and Down the World's Family Tree
AUTHOR: A. J. Jacobs
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 2017, (352 pages).

Why can't we all get along better? In a world where everyone constantly clamour for peace, people seem to be growing further apart. Calling the divisions as "primitive tribalism," author and humorist A.J. Jacobs's new foray is in the form of the history of human relationships. Spurred by an email to him from an "eighth cousin" from nowhere, he learned of someone having a database of 80000 relatives of his. Coupled with his recent thinking about family and the possibility of many long-lost relatives, he beings his search for his family identity that probes several angles. He researches genealogy, DNA evidence, online databases such as ancestry.com, an annual genealogy convention, and also some interesting connections with Barack Obama! Jacobs connects all sorts of things. He talks about newspaper articles that often triggers off a flood of ideas, such as the NYT's report about a besieged Connecticut family of an "unorthodox group-home" being chased out of their home. He probes the meaning of family. He wonders how related he is to ex-Presidents like George HW Bush, even managing to eat lunch together with the famous president's home in Kennebunkport, Maine, posing a picture with the former First Couple with a sign that reads: "I am a Cousin." He reflects upon sex, pondering about how many times our ancestors had their passionate embraces.  Other ventures include historical links during the American Revolution; celebrity cousins; name research; Mormons and Donny Osmond; and even an encounter with Harry Potter actor, Daniel Radcliffe. One must be amazed to see how persuasive the author must have been to connect with strangers and distant 'cousins' in such a way. All in all, there is a sense that we all come from two über-grandparents in Adam and Eve. For all the wit and humor in the book, there is a sense of the author making some real journeys. I sense three journeys.

"Post-Traumatic Church syndrome" (Reba Riley)

TITLE: Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome: A Memoir of Humor and Healing
AUTHOR: Reba Riley
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: Howard Books, 2015, (368 pages).

Disappointment with Church? Longing for an alternative to searching for "Godiverse"? According to author Reba Riley, she thinks that there is a God bigger than the one defined by her home Church, and that there is a bigger form of spirituality that does not leave her feeling "hollow inside" amid all the religious talk. The title, PTCS reflects her own need for spiritual recovery after getting disillusioned with "narrow religion." Her solution: Try 30 different religions or expressions of faith and spirituality before she turns 30. Feeling broken and exhausted, she takes on this spiritual project of hers and begins with Word Alive, a megachurch who has a new pastor change its name to "The Palms" which is known for its Pentecostalism fundamentalist practices. After experiencing the different physical expressions of verbal pronouncements and how people were "felled" by the Spirit, she feels more "Word Dead" than the former name of the Church. It even causes her to throw out her own list of "thirty by thirty." Her book club friend helps her to get back on track with a journal of repairing one's own spirituality: "Finding Your Own North Star." While it didn't exactly spring her back into a New Age spirituality, it did get her back on track to other spiritual expressions, including other forms of Christianity. She tries "Tenth Avenue Baptist," which really engages them in a warm and friendly fellowship.

"Give War and Peace a Chance" (Andrew D. Kaufman)

TITLE: Give War and Peace a Chance: Tolstoyan Wisdom for Troubled Times
AUTHOR: Andrew D. Kaufman
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, 2014, (288 pages).

Love it or hate it? That is what classic novels are all about. It is one thing to hear people calling it a classic. Yet, the true impact of a classic is how it impacts culture over time, across cultural boundaries, and the lessons it still has for us today.  This book is another testimony of the powerful Tolstoyan novel that gives us not simply a story to remember but lots of wisdom to cherish. A recognized scholar of Russian studies, and a Tolstoy expert in Oprah's Book Club, author Andrew Kaufman had written many books on Tolstoy, including the popular "Russian for Dummies." For more than 25 years, the author has had a love-hate relationship with the classic Tolstoy novel, "War and Peace." His motivation for writing this book is essentially personal. He shares about how in getting himself soaked and lost in the book's stories, he found himself lessons for life. That life, like what Tolstoy had said is a battle in itself. At the same time, life is interestingly "balanced," with the author walking this tightrope through reflections on life being "both messy and meaningful, prosaic and poetic, sensuous and ... sensible." The novel is a piece of art that is able to reflect the whole of life, and that is the purpose of this book, about how the author sees the relevance of Tolstoy, and how it still speaks today for us.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age"

TITLE: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age
AUTHOR: Dale Cargenie & Associates with Brent Cole
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 2011, (250 pages).
ISBN: 978-1-4516-1257-8

This book updates the 1936 classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, which has since launched many self-help companies and revolutionized the motivational industry. It maintains the same 4-part emphasis. Part One comprises three essentials prior to engaging anybody. Part Two lists 6 ways in which one can make a lasting impression. Part Three gives us 10 ways to merit and maintain the trust of others. Part Four contains 8 ways to lead change with minimal resistance.

I was hoping for a readable version just like the original. Boy was I disappointed. While there are vivid stories and bullet points, the book looks rather disjointed. One literally has to keep the table of contents open frequently as a self-reminder of where the book is going.

The Plus Points

The preface is promising. It tells us that the world we live in now is technologically much different than Dale Cargenie's days. Messaging is speedier. Strategies have become more complex. The tools we have are non-existent in the 30s. Yet, the common skills are even more necessary.

• Need to communicate well;
• Selflessness is a virtue;
• Learning to share with people, rather than becoming self-absorbed in one's needs
• People follow us when they know we have done something for them
• People follow us for who we really are.
• Every medium matters
• Good 'soft skills' are still needed

One important point is this:

"By relying so heavily on digital communication, we lose a critical aspect of human interactions: nonverbal cues. When delivering bad news, it is difficult to show compassion and support without putting your hand on another's shoulder. When exploring a new idea, it is difficult to convey the same level of enthusiasm through a phone call as you would if standing before your audience in person. How many times have you sent an email and had the recipient call you to clear the air when the air was already clear?" (xx)

The key to understanding this update is this: "In general, the best practice is a judicious blend of personal touch and digital presence." (xx)

My Thoughts

This book is not easy to summarize. It has too many pointers all over the place which makes me suspect that it has been rushed to print. Moreover, trying to stick to the original framework literally, it has done itself a disservice. What is more helpful is to redesign the entire concept with the digital era as the driving context. For instance, have a section that specifically deals with the instantaneous nature of digital communications. Dedicate chapters to deal with specific social media platforms. Like having one chapter solely on applying the principles to Facebook. Unfortunately, the book looks more like an old convertible simply repainted with a fresh coat of paint. It needs to be redesigned with new engines, new electronics, and new looks.

What I find most helpful is the back cover which provides 6 helpful ways to communicate in a digital era.

1. Communicate tactfully: discover nuances on online mediums
2. Be Likeable: Capitalize on social networks
3. Be Persuasive in Speech: Project oneself widely and clearly
4. Leading More Effectively: Convey competence in the new media
5. Increase Ability to Get Things Done: Optimize the power of digital tools

I suppose this ups my rating from 2 to 3.

Ratings: 3 stars of 5

conrade

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