"A Higher Calling" (Harold Earls IV & Rachel Earls)

TITLE: A Higher Calling: Pursuing Love, Faith, and Mount Everest for a Greater Purpose
AUTHOR: Harold Earls IV & Rachel Earls
PUBLISHER: Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook, 2020, (224 pages)
 

This book is a beautiful love story about an army officer and a social media sensation.  Written like journal entries, the book details the lives of Harold Earls IV and Rachel Earls from courtship to marriage, and how their relationship survives and thrives through their various adventures. There is romance, spiritual lessons, adventures, travel, sports, mountain-climbing, missions, childbearing, and many enthralling stories to captivate the reader's attention. One of the most gripping parts of the book is about Harold's dangerous expedition up and down the treacherous Mount Everest. Apart from the magnificent scenes described, he tells us how the highest mountain in the world had become a deadly burial ground for many climbers. Harold prefaces each chapter with a journal entry from his Mount Everest climbing experience. 

The two authors alternate their thoughts throughout the book. They share about how they met, their common faith in God, their growing love for each other, and the dreams they want to achieve. After a period of long-distance relationship, they eventually married, only to be separated again because of the Mount Everest project. They share their marital challenges of being apart, the need for regular communication, and the crucial role of prayer in their relationship. Harold writes about his love for baseball, his endurance through army life,, especially his Ranger School stint, his mountaineering experience, and his constant expression of love for his wife. Not to be outdone, Rachel too has her own unique stories. She describes her days of vlogging, how she maintains a social media presence, her travels, and her roles as a supporting wife to Harold. 

This extraordinary couple gives us an intimate view of marriage and intimacy, faith and hope, life with purpose, and the constant dependence on God for all things. They do not claim to be superheroes of faith. Rather, they are ordinary people seeking to live beyond themselves, to reach out and make a difference whenever they can, wherever they are, and whomever they can touch. 

I leave with two words to describe this book: Exciting and Heartwarming. 

Captain Harold Earls IV is an active-duty Army officer currently serving as the Commander of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Harold is a graduate of West Point. He is a recipient of the Major General Smythe Leadership Award and is US Army Airborne/Ranger qualified.

Rachel Earls is a beloved vlogger, business owner, Army wife, and mother, and she is the founder of Earls Family Foundation. Rachel graduated cum laude from Florida State University, where she was heavily involved in service projects for organizations including the FSU Wesley Foundation and the Chi Omega sorority. 

Rating: 4 stars out of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of WaterBrook via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

"Choosing us" (Gail Song Bantum and Brian Bantum)

TITLE: Choosing Us: Marriage and Mutual Flourishing in a World of Difference
AUTHOR: Gail Song Bantum and Brian Bantum
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2022, (160 pages).
 

Cultural Disappointments. Disobedience. Rejection. Expulsion. Disappointment. Ministry Calling. Decisions. Miscarriages. These are some of the events and turbulent stories revealed in this bold book about mixed marriages. Just that one simple proposal followed by a bold choice by two persons from different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds has led to a journey less traveled. Gail is Korean while Brian is Black. If struggling with these issues of identity and cultural challenges are not enough, their children too will experience these struggles too. One choice, many consequences. With deep insight and wise hindsight, authors Gail and Brian have come together to share with readers their story of faith, hope, and love in a world that in theory believes in equality and justice, but in practice are doing the very opposite. Married for over 25 years, the couple has three adult children who live in Seattle. Both of them experience first-hand what it means to be shunned by their own friends and families. They share about their mentoring of other couples, what it means to live in an inter-racial relationship, and the journey toward acceptance in a world fraught with all kinds of differences and expectations. Even the institution of marriage has been tarnished by sin. While biblically, marriage was supposed to be a symbol of love, marriage tainted by sin has become a tool for power, sexism, discrimination, and control. In seven chapters, Gail and Brian share their story. Chapter One begins with their personal plans. Gail wanted to be a female conductor for the New York Philharmonic while Brian wants to coach soccer. Both had their plans disrupted due to the loss of a parent. For all their struggles with the different cultural differences and expectations, they married and found love that defies common understanding. Without any models to follow, they had to carve out their own version of what it means to live out their uncommon marriage. Eventually, they had to depend on each other, to learn as they journey along. Chapter Two reveals this journey of learning about individual idiosyncrasies. Different situations also mean learning about the other person more. Whether it is career changes or family gatherings, snapshots of personality profiles, or behavioural changes among friends, even one's waking up hours could be an unexpected revelation. They share a powerful tip: "Continually choosing each other means relearning the one we've committed to."

"Marriage, Scripture, and the Church" (Darrin W. Snyder Belousek)

TITLE: Marriage, Scripture, and the Church: Theological Discernment on the Question of Same-Sex Union
AUTHOR: Darrin W. Snyder Belousek
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2021, (352 pages).

How do we deal with the issue of same-sex marriage? Should the Church bless same-sex union as marriage? How do we deal with the growing divide between those who support and those who do not? These issues continue to split the Church all over the world. Do we take each Bible verse on the topic and start espousing how right we are and how wrong the other view is? Do we use such passages to hammer down the other party into submission? How is it possible for both sides to say that they are biblical and yet arrive at different conclusions of the same matter? With regard to same-sex union, the debate continues to rage. Feeling the tensions in his own Church as well, author and Professor Darrin W Snyder Belousek re-examines the common approaches done so far and proposes three key thrusts in dealing with these questions. First, he ties the issue of sexuality with marriage. How one deals with the topic of marriage will directly affect our interpretation of same-sex, and vice-versa. He brings in the examples of how Jesus deals with questions about divorce and the "three-faceted reality of marriage." Positively, the Bible sees marriage as likened to Christ as groom and the Church as the bride. Negatively, infidelity destroys such a nuptial union. The author also asserts that all three major branches of Christian tradition: Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, and Protestant have always taught marriage as man-woman monogamy. He pits the teachings of the patristics and the forefathers of the faith against modern scholars like David Gushee, Dale Martin, Robert Son, James Brownson, Mark Achtemeier, and so on. He brings in arguments for both sides before presenting theological conclusions. 

"What the Bible Says about Divorce and Remarriage" (Wayne Grudem)

TITLE: What the Bible Says about Divorce and Remarriage
AUTHOR: Wayne Grudem
PUBLISHER: Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2021, (112 pages).

One of the most crippling events in any human relationship is divorce. It breaks up the marital union. It tears families apart. It damages children's perception of the future of their own marriages. Worst of all, it dishonours the marriage institution as well as ridiculing the marriage vow: "For better or for worse." Of course, sympathetically speaking, there are legitimate reasons to break the marital bond. Rather than to throw a blanket no, Jesus's approach is to adopt a reserved exception to the norm. For Christians, the issue of divorce can become complicated especially when it comes to understanding what is the right thing to do ethically and theologically. With modern culture becoming more sophisticated, is the Bible's teaching on divorce still relevant for our times? A related matter after divorce involves the topic of remarriage. What are the circumstances where remarriage is allowed or disallowed? Other questions covered include:

• Are there any legitimate grounds for divorce? If so, what are they?
• How about spousal abuse as morally acceptable ground for divorce? 
• Are there other grounds for divorce that are not explicitly stated in the Bible?
• Is remarriage allowed?
• Can a divorced person serve in the capacity of a Church officer?
• What are the reasons for "no remarriage?"

"Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling" (Robert W. Kellemen)

TITLE: Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling
AUTHOR: Robert W. Kellemen
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2020, (272 pages).

For many people, marriage is about love between two persons. For Christians, marriage is indeed about love, but with an additional belief, that marriage is about being united before God. What is marriage from God's perspective? Why must we treat marriage counseling as based on the gospel of grace? Theologically and practically, what does it mean? Unlike books that dish out advice for married couples, this book is about equipping marriage counselors to help married couples. For author and pastor Robert Kellemen, marriage counseling is about helping couples "see their marriage from a larger set of eyes." In fact, he insists that for Christians, it is a no-brainer that marriages are essentially meant to be gospel-centered. So, the author gives us 22 "counseling relational competencies." He suggests that the book be used in a "small group lab setting." For couples, focus not on "solutions" but on "soul-utions." The emphasis is about forming the inner soul. A marriage with transformed inner selves will be gospel-centered. Kellemen tells us the three common approaches to marriage counseling: Family systems; narrative therapy; and solution-focused therapy. All of them have in common the need to understand people; to diagnose the problem; and then to identify the solution needed. Kellemen aims to go a step further than all of these by pointing us to "gospel connection." This is done through facilitating "gospel conversations." 

"The Marriage Challenge" (Art Rainer)

TITLE: The Marriage Challenge: A Finance Guide for Married Couples
AUTHOR: Art Rainer
PUBLISHER: Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing, 2020, (192 pages).

All marriages have challenges. It could be due to different upbringing. It could be conflicts that arise out of differences in personalities. It could even be due to extended family relationships. Even some of the most mundane things in life could spark a big quarrel. Other big things include breakdown in communications; lack of attention to spousal needs; unmet expectations; insensitivity; and so on. Among the most common challenges is that of finance. During economic downturns, layoffs, and financial setbacks, marriages suffer. "A financially healthy couple doesn’t start with a checking account. It starts with unity. It starts with sacrificial, selfless love. It starts with both husband and wife moving away from “me” and toward “we.” Through this the gospel is displayed, and true financial health can be pursued." So begins author and pastor Art Rainer in this book dedicated to talking about financial relationships among couples. The three key things that Rainer advocates are:

1. Deciding to begin with unity, where "we" takes priority over "me."
2. Desiring after God's design via 8 Money Milestones;
3. Destroying the Four Marriage Dividers.

"9 Lies That Will Destroy Your Marriage" (Greg Smalley and Bob Paul)

TITLE: 9 Lies That Will Destroy Your Marriage: And the Truths That Will Save It and Set It Free
AUTHOR: Greg Smalley and Bob Paul
PUBLISHER: Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2020, (288 pages).

Jesus says that one shall know the Truth and the Truth shall make one free. Many Christians believe that. Some even preach it wide. The main question is: Do we live it? With regard to marriage, how many couples actually practice that? Perhaps, the reality is that a lot of marriages are filled with half-truths. Why? Answer: Lack of trust in telling the truth. Using their work from seven thousand couples over the past 20 years, authors Paul and Smalley share nine of their best insights with a catchy title, that basically says that these lies are the marriage destroyers. Some of the falsehoods come from erroneous teachings, especially those that people want to believe. Things like "marriages are meant to have a happily ever after" or "your love is driving me crazy" ending. Worse, many couples would rather lie to protect their idealistic purposes instead of accepting the truth for what it is. When something is covered up, it usually means more covering up. Rather than building foundations on lies and half-truths, the authors show us Original Truth: Scripture. Recognize the original deceiver: the devil. Remember that the enemy is the devil that is always seeking to destroy relationships, especially marriages. 

"See-Through Marriage" (Ryan and Selena Frederick)

TITLE: See-Through Marriage
AUTHOR: Ryan and Selena Frederick
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2020, (256 pages).

In any marriage, honesty is a given. Couples are expected to be truthful to each other in all things. Put it another way, good marriages have transparency as the key attribute. No secrets. No lies. No hidden agendas. According to marriage counselors Ryan and Selena Frederick, "unfettered transparency rescues relationships, glorifies God, and multiplies joy." Transparency means vulnerability. Vulnerability involves openness and humility. It invites trust. Why is this critical? One major reason is the widespread show-off culture driven by the popularity of social media. This tempts one to pretend one is well by putting forth photos and pictures of what people wanted to see. The authors believe that we live in a culture of what we see is what we expect to get. Marriages too can fall into such falsehood. The challenge is to take meaningful risk by being vulnerable and transparent. Avoid false vulnerability which essentially hides what is important and only displays what is less important. With the central thesis of cultivating a "see-through marriage," the authors lead us through different ways to accomplish that. Using Bible teachings as the key guide, they remind us that we do not need to hide in darkness but to boldly live in the light. Living in the light according to 1 John 1:6-8 contains two promises when we do that: Purification and fellowship. Transparency means not only we not hide from God, we learn not to hide from each other. There is no fear in love. A healthy marriage means we learn to be open with each other instead of hiding things from each other. That means we learn to know ourselves and the identity God has given us. If we are secured in knowing our identity in God, we will not easily compare ourselves with others. They expand on this topic of identity through the physiological self as well as the psychological self. Experiencing oneness is one of the deepest experiences transparency can provide. 

"Into His Presence" (Tim L. Anderson)

TITLE: Into His Presence: A Theology of Intimacy with God
AUTHOR: Tim L. Anderson
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Academic, 2019, (280 pages).

How do I grow closer to God? What does intimacy with God means? What do I do if I don't feel close to God? These are some common questions and confessions from Christians yearning for a deeper relationship with God. As society becomes more feeling-oriented, many are asking questions about how to cultivate divine intimacy. Recognizing this need, author Timothy L Anderson helps us on this journey with a focus on the theology of intimacy. He qualifies his effort by saying that it is not a book meant for devotional reading. Neither is it a book to make one feel closer to God directly. Instead, the book serves two purposes: to affirm the reality of the Holy Spirit in our lives; and to intercede for a deeper relationship. Before one embarks on the journey to intimacy, it is helpful to know the different windows to pursue God. "Catholic Mystical" writers such as Thomas Merton, St John of the Cross, and Augustine seek God in a two-way relationship, with the sole objective being union with God. The "Pentecostal Experiential" finds intimacy in signs, visions, and wonders. The "Evangelical Devotional" focuses on the pedagogy of discipleship and spiritual practices. Anderson cautions us from adopting either extreme absolutism or extreme liberalism on any of them. The way toward intimacy needs to begin with a theological framework. Anderson paints this framework using a hub and spokes metaphor. He defines intimacy with God as "the movement of God and Christians toward a place of true knowledge and close contact." With this hub as the object, Anderson goes on to describe the various spokes of intimacy. Before that, he describes the four biblical elements of intimacy:

1. Movement toward intimacy
2. Intimate knowledge
3. Intimate place/location
4. Intimate contact/touch

"Mending Broken Branches" (Elizabeth Oates)

TITLE: Mending Broken Branches: When God Reclaims Your Dysfunctional Family Tree
AUTHOR: Elizabeth Oates
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications, 2017, (240 pages).

Marriages break up. Divorces happen. Children suffer the consequences. Can we escape from our past? Maybe. Will we be free to live well in the present? That depends on how we are healed. In spite of the high place of family in society, these are some of the modern struggles family go through. It pretty much describes the landscape of the cliché: “No family is perfect.” While that is true, it is also true that some families are more imperfect than others. This is often what society means when they say “dysfunctional families.” Writing from her own broken background and a determination to heal from her wounds, author Elizabeth Oates uses the planting metaphor to help us make sense of our past, our present, and our future. The purpose in this book is three-fold. First, we are given the space to grieve our past. Second, we learn to be equipped to deal with our present circumstances. Third, we are encouraged to build a healthy and hopeful future.

Part One helps us work through our past to find our true significance in Christ instead of the “transactional relationship” with Santa Claus. Readers will learn about being bold to open the dreaded Pandora’s Box of any shame in the past. Oates uses a familiar plant model to craft out our past. There is the root of the problem which is a failure to find our significance in Christ alone. There is a need for pruning, where we tackle head-on the heavy baggage from the past. Our family of origin is not to be blamed or praised but accepted. The sprouting willows and branches are like opportunities and spaces for us to acknowledge our past. Just like a branch that can grow in any direction, once we are safely anchored on a trunk, we grieve with all the space we need. We need not feel alone because we are not the only ones that have baggage from the past. Every family do. Slowly but surely, we learn to let go and move forward. Whether it is shame or lost childhood; failed dreams or broken realities; the positive thing to do is to acknowledge our various stages of grief. Here, Oates uses Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief model. It would have been better if the author had acknowledged this in a footnote but I suppose the model is popular enough for most people. This journey to the past ends in the embrace of the Heavenly Gardener, God Himself.

"Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome" (Nancy C. Anderson)

TITLE: Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair-Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage
AUTHOR: Nancy C. Anderson
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications, 2017, (152 pages).

Getting married is easy. Staying married is the hard part. What about preparation to stay married? This is where this book fills in the gap. In other words, don't wait until the crisis before doing something about our marriages. Nourish and prepare for the challenges in the road ahead. For all marriages will be challenging in one way or another. Popular author, Nancy Anderson believes that it is possible, even though she had admitted cheating on her husband before. That was then. Having survived infidelity, she is back on a mission to use her story to help others build affair-proof hedges around their marriages. For Anderson, it takes years of rebuilding after that momentary fling with sexual temptation and adultery. Readers will not find lots of theories or concepts about marriage. Instead, they will be witnessing the sudden fall from grace and the long road to recovery. Written in two parts, Part One describes the author's betrayal of her marriage vows; confession of her affair; and the difficult journey of restoring her broken marriage. Each chapter is about what happened in her life that leads to her poor decisions. Before the confession, there was confusion about what was the right thing to do. Would she let her feelings rule the day, or will she return to the fundamental meaning of the marital vows. Plus, how does one apply biblical principles of truth and reconciliation in this complicated web of betrayal and distrust? So, before Anderson and her husband press the divorce button, they realize that recovery is possible. All it takes is commitment and determination to make things right. In starting over, she learns many lessons and takes the time to share these lessons with us. The rest of the book is about her experience and how we can avoid falling into the pitholes of temptations. How to plant and build hedges around one's marriage? Anderson goes through eight whole chapters on how to do just that. Each chapter springboards out of a biblical verse. Anderson uses HEDGES as an acronym for action:

• H = Hearing
• E = Encouraging
• D = Dating
• G = Guarding
• E = Educating
• S = Satisfying

"Anatomy of an Affair" (Dave Carder)

TITLE: Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them
AUTHOR: Dave Carder
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2017, (192 pages).

From time to time, it has become common sight to see powerful ministry leaders being brought down by affairs and marital breakdowns. While it is theologically correct to attribute the whole thing to sin, practically, we can still do something to prevent the whole breakdown from happening. This calls for wise stewardship of our potential and limitations in ministry work; gentle nourishment of our own marriages; and genuine relationships with fellow co-workers, especially with members of the opposite sex. Guard our marriages. Guard our ministries. Guard our hearts. All these three are possible. Author and marriage counselor, Dave Carder has listened to many stories of unfaithfulness and adultery. Many of the signs are terribly similar. The key to preventing any such affairs is simply recognition of these signs and a commitment to flee from these temptations. When there is a fire, remember that we are like wood. This book is about the recognizing smoke signs before it ever becomes an impending fire. In brief, according to Carder, there are four phases of how adultery happens. It begins with a "growing attraction" which usually begins innocently but gradually becomes more intimately and emotionally connected. While these encounters are often not by choice, temptations tend to pile up one thing after another. After the infatuation comes the "entanglement" in which the wrong thing to do becomes entangled with self-justification and self-denial. The third phase is the destabilization of the relationship where confusion and complications reign. Finally, the couple would have entered the "termination and resolution" phase which could be played out in so many different scenarios. Sex without commitment is guaranteed to fail. Carder continues on by describing the five different types of extra-marital affairs. The "one-night stand" is an immediate gratification which does not last. The "entangled affair" begins gradually and lasts typically 1-2 years. The "sexual addiction" type may go into years but could involve multiple partners. The "add-on affair" is a continual relationship that tries to fill in the gaps of existing couples. Finally, the "reconnection" is for those old-flames or old infatuations that could be unpredictable. Filled with stories of people having entered these stages, Carder is able to highlight the risks at every level and to show us the signs and potholes ahead, so that we can avoid falling into them. Knowledge is power. Awareness is added security against self-deceptions. It is Carder's way to help us flee from such blatant temptations.

"One by One" (Gino Dalfonzo)

TITLE: One by One: Welcoming the Singles in Your Church
AUTHOR: Gino Dalfonzo
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2017, (240 pages).

Church, we have a singles problem. Not the singles, but the Church perception of singles. This is the single biggest theme in this very needed book about how we have tended to ignore singles in our preoccupation toward families, marriages, and children. In doing so, we are ostracizing the single folks unconsciously when we fail to welcome them as they are, regardless of age or gender. Often, it is not the fault of the individual for being single. Some honestly couldn't find a right soulmate. Others for various reasons are unable to commit to any relationship. In general, we must learn to accept people regardless of their marital status. This book goes deeper into the sociological and theological aspects of this issue of singlehood and acceptance. There are many types of singles. Some are divorced or widowed. Others are separated. Author Gina Dalfonzo, a life-long single, focuses on those who are singles all their lives. She shares and critiques various writers and teachers about the issue of singleness. She points out the unfortunate situation of singles being a stigma in themselves. Married people are relatively more well regarded. That is not the issue. The issue is how some teachers have unfairly blamed the problem of singleness on singles themselves. For instance, if someone is not married, they are too career-minded. They are too individualistic. They are way too uninterested in starting families, and so on. Singles can also be treated as pariahs when they are placed on a lower level of importance. They can also be seen as projects to be worked on or problems that needed a solution. All of these stem from an unhealthy perception of singleness. We need to learn to treat them as real people who are equally important as everyone else. Dalfonzo shares painful stories of many singles, even as she identifies deeply with their predicament. The many testimonies and words bring home a powerful angle and perspective that many of us who are married are unable to appreciate. In some cases, there is a sad case of women reserving themselves for sex after marriage and in the process missed the boat with men who demanded sex before marriage. Is that fair for the women who remained single out of their desire to honour the marriage institution? The problem lies in the infatuation of a happily-ever-after picture of a married couple with kids. That is not all. She also critiques a subculture made popular by Josh Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" for having hurt many people in their thinking and relationship building. It is an overly conservative approach that seems out of touch with reality that really hurts many people. In a culture where people are "courtship crazy," such a teaching makes it difficult for well-meaning Christians to find their potential soulmate. It makes me wonder whether there is such a thing as "biblical courtship." Other poignant observations include:

"When Parenting Isn't Perfect" (Jim Daly with Paul Asay)

TITLE: When Parenting Isn't Perfect
AUTHOR: Jim Daly with Paul Asay
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017, (224 pages).

What is a "normal family?" Is it the one painted by TV shows like the Brady Bunch or My Three Sons? Can a family ever be perfect? We have often asked about why families are not as perfect as they seem, regardless of how hard we try. What if we abandon the search for "why" and focus on "how" to bring about a better family instead of a perfect one? This is where this book comes in. The promise in this book is about helping us deal with "truth and reality" in a manner that embraces our blessings and to empathize with other families struggling to do the same. Imperfection is a key recognition here. Those of us who fail to recognize this will tend to project expectations of perfection onto others. The question "How good is good enough?" is a good diagnostic. The author shares the story of Casey and Doug who despite the best Christian upbringing still ended up getting pregnant outside of marriage. Do we practice "resume virtues" (appreciating good throughout life) or "eulogy virtues" (appreciating good after death). If we emphasize character above achievement, we would most likely practice more of the former. We will never be good enough, so let us not put all our eggs of hope into the basket of earthly achievements. So what do we do when parenting isn't perfect?

"No More Perfect Marriages" (Mark and Jill Savage)

TITLE: No More Perfect Marriages: Experience the Freedom of Being Real Together
AUTHOR: Mark and Jill Savage
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2017, (272 pages).

A real marriage is never perfect. It's simply two imperfect persons walking together toward being perfected. This is the key point of this book about marriage. Written by a couple who had faithfully practiced the popular list of marital advice, they still struggle through their marriages. They had spoken the various love languages. They had been intentional about communications. They have confessed their faith in Jesus and committed themselves to ministry in the Lord. They had worked hard on their relationships, with date nights and all the popular marriage formulas available in the market. Yet, for a period of time, their marriage fell into the pits. As people who have experienced what it means to be broken and humbled, they went through a personal re-education about what it means to be married. As they slowly climb out of their pits, they share with readers the seven fads of marital expectations. All of these have a common feature: They dilute the marriage slowly, by slowly fading hope, joy, and the beauty of marriage. These happen slowly but surely and early recognition could save marriages.

1. Slow fade of Unrealistic Expectations
2. Slow fade of Minimizing
3. Slow fade of Not Accepting
4. Slow fade of Disagreement
5. Slow fade of Defensive Responses
6. Slow fade of Naïveté
7. Slow fade of of Avoiding Emotion

"Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional" (Les and Leslie Parrott)

TITLE: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Devotional: 52 Meditations for Spiritual Intimacy
AUTHOR: Les and Leslie Parrott
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017, (272 pages).

This is a devotional book with a particular focus: Marriage Spirituality. It underscores the fundamental belief that marriage is tightly bound in our devotion to God. It is not just about being married but about the common ground of faith in God. Souls that are alive to God will naturally be alive to one another. All the 52 devotionals are aimed at anchoring couples in the Word of God and applying the Word into their marriages. The basic format is as follows:

• Opening Thought
• Passage from the Bible
• Reading and Discussion
• Spiritual Intimacy Exercises
• Prayer
• A Story or Testimony Illustration

There are many themes covered that affect marriages. Financial matters do threaten to bring anxiety into the relationship. With the Bible as a clear guide, couples are encouraged to look at their marriages from the eyes of God. On service, couples can look toward a "higher dignity and power" that when they serve one another, they are doing so in the service of God Almighty. We learn about the golden glue of all relationships: Forgiveness. Marriage is about togetherness not just in words but also in deeds. If married individuals learn to look and serve the other more than themselves, they not only fulfill the law of loving one another, they help bond the marriage with the glue of service. Other topics include:

"Making Marriage Beautiful" (Dorothy Littell Greco & Christopher Greco)

TITLE: Making Marriage Beautiful: Lifelong Love, Joy, and Intimacy Start with You
AUTHOR: Dorothy Littell Greco & Christopher Greco
PUBLISHER: Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook Publishers, 2017, (256 pages).

Many people marry so that they could be happy. That is something that is furthest from the truth about marriage. While happiness is an important need, it should not be the key focus of a marriage. For author Dorothy and Christopher Greco, the higher reason is Christlikeness. The problem with many modern expectations about marriage is the presence of perfect expectations and the reality of imperfect people. In spite of these, there is hope. There is a chance to make difficult marriages not only bearable but beautiful. It begins by asking what kind of change we want. How are two persons who are so different going to live together? Are they willing to acknowledge their own weaknesses and brokenness? Do we need Christ only during times of crises?

We are urged to look back at our individual's family cultures to understand how our histories form our worldview and expectations of people. We need to avoid buying into cultural stereotypes surrounding male and female genders, and to shape our worldviews toward a Christlike one. See conflict as a struggle for growth. Reframe disappointment and anger as holy invitations to understand and to grow the relationship. By addressing anger appropriately, we can also avoid making five different responses to anger. Practice listening as a core skill in being a better spouse. Beware of unconscious addictions creeping into our lives. Learning to confess and to forgive are key relationship savers. Suffering despite all its negative connotations can have an upside. We can choose joy and we can move toward making marriage beautiful.

"Counter-Culture, Revised Edition" (David Platt)

TITLE: Counter Culture: Following Christ in an Anti-Christian Age
AUTHOR: David Platt
PUBLISHER: Carol Stream IL: Tyndale-Momentum, 2017, (320 pages).

The world we live in is increasingly anti-Christian. Many of the traditional beliefs are being challenged. Literal understanding of the Bible is being pushed back by liberal inclinations. Same-sex marriages are not only becoming a right for many, some circles even see it as the norm and marriage as something less than ideal. It creates a false impression that what is termed legal is legitimate. Those who hold on to orthodox beliefs are becoming ostracized and ridiculed for being old-fashioned. How do we speak the truth in love? What does it mean to live as believers in an increasingly unbelieving world? What do we do with split opinions and old paradigms being overturned with erroneous thinking? For author David Platt, following Christ is increasingly becoming a call to live counter-culturally. Concerned with the tendency of many believers to flee or take flight of challenging circumstances, he exhorts us to risk it because it is worth it. Platt writes that this book is about:

"helping us think through how to live out that gospel in our lives, families, and churches in an age of sexual confusion, legal abortion, rampant materialism, violent racism, escalating refugee crises, diminishing religious liberties, and a number of other significant social issues. This book is about refusing to retreat from these realities, instead choosing to face them with a fearless faith that is full of hope in Christ and free to love even those who would belittle Christian belief."

"Sensitive Preaching to the Sexually Hurting" (Sam Serio)

TITLE: Sensitive Preaching to the Sexually Hurting
AUTHOR: Sam Serio
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Academic, 2016, (208 pages).

It has been said that preachers generally have two tasks in their preaching. They need to speak in a way that afflicts the comfortable and comforts the afflicted. The Holy Spirit often uses powerful preaching to do wonders and convicts the complacent. With regard to gentle care, encouragement, and comfort, it calls for sensitive preaching. In this book, the focus is on recognizing the presence of hurt and pain in the congregation gathered each week and to work on three stages of preparation:

1. The Heart of the Preacher
2. The Message
3. The Future

First and foremost, it is about the heart of the preacher. This means opening one'e eyes to the reality of hurting and to establish empathy with the people sitting at the pews. No empathy, no connection. No connection, no relevance in the preaching. One key area is sexuality. While it is good to talk about the ideals and the perfection God requires, truth is, many are sexually hurting in many different ways. There are those who felt guilt because of casual sex, abortion, or some past sexual assaults. There are those who had suffered rape, same-sex attraction, and unnatural sexual feelings. There are also victims of abuse and addicts to pornography and prostitution. Most worrying of all, these remain hidden from others, to the point that one often hurts or suffers alone. How can the minister speak into all of these? It begins with realization that this world is far more broken than we think. Author Sam Serio notes that preachers are often preach in a "negligent or negative" way. Instead, they are to open their eyes not only to the harvest but also to the personal "wreckage" for the person(s) sitting at the pews. It is a tough balancing act to convict at times and to comfort at other times. The key question Serio poses is:

"Men Who Love Fierce Women" (Leroy Wagner and Kimberly Wagner)

TITLE: Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage
AUTHOR: Leroy Wagner and Kimberly Wagner
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2016, (240 pages).

Traditionally, it has always been men who were expected to be the leader, the authority, and the voice of the family. Ancient Israel was largely a patriarchy where the head of the family was expected to take responsibility for the sake of the whole family. For many centuries, men are the ones to bring in the dough while women are confined to domestic duties. Not anymore. In contemporary times, we are seeing more women taking initiative in leadership roles. Traditional roles are gradually been replaced by egalitarian perspectives where both male and female are seen to be equal. Even traditional sports and careers done by men are also extended to women. Everywhere we go, we see more women in traditionally male-dominated industries. This year, the USA looks set to have the first woman to be nominated for President of the country! This phenomena is also evident in marriages where women seem to be taking the initiative as 'fierce women.' There are husbands who will feel insecure when wives outmaneuver them in matters that are traditionally expected of men. This calls for a re-examination of what it means to be a real man. What is the essence of manhood? What can men do in a world where "women who eat men for breakfast?" When women assert superiority in manly tasks, what happens to the male psyche? Biblically, if God created men to lead, what about women who can lead?