"The In-Between" (Hadley Vlahos R.N.)

TITLE: The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments
AUTHOR: Hadley Vlahos R.N.
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 2023, (288 pages).
 

Among the many kinds of phobia in the world today, the fear of dying remains at the top of the list. News of terminal illness can not only bring about depression to the sick, but it also stresses our family and loved ones in unimaginable ways. Whether it is cancer or some form of debilitating disease, as long as there is some hope of recovery, the fear of dying can be kept at bay. However, when it comes to incurable illnesses that involve entering into hospice care, the mood takes a traumatic turn. Imagine being a full-time staff working in such an environment. This is exactly what author and registered hospice nurse, Hadley Vlahos has experienced. She takes care of and walks with many people living their final days on Earth. Each patient can live up to six months. Sharing many powerful stories of courage, despair, hope, powerlessness, and many emotional moments, Vlahos takes us through the ups and downs of hospice ministry. She shares how she first became interested in end-of-life matters after the death of a personal friend. Through various twists and turns in her life, after some time in nursing school, she ends up working in hospice care. This book is about her learning, experiences, and journeys with individuals in hospice care. There was Glenda, an 86-year-old female whose metastatic melanoma had spread to other regions. She was the first person the author had to practice the checklist on "patient death." Carl who struggled with congestive heart failure seemed to have a sudden ad mysterious surge of energy toward the end. He had become like a grandfather to Vlahos. Then there is Sue who suffers from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and didn't want to speak to anyone at first but eventually opens up to Vlahos. Sandra, a 50-year-old breast cancer patient whose cancer had advanced to such a state that her doctor had to recommend hospice care. Sandra was able to maintain a smile despite her illness. Vlahos marvels at how simple things could make such a big difference. There are others with all other kinds of sicknesses like Edith's Alzheimer's; Reggie's end-stage liver disease; and Lily, a dying travel patient, etc. 

"A Contemporary Handbook for Weddings & Funerals and Other Occasions" (Aubrey Malphurs, Keith Willhite, and Dennis Hillman)

TITLE: A Contemporary Handbook for Weddings & Funerals and Other Occasions: Revised and Updated
AUTHOR: Aubrey Malphurs, Keith Willhite, and Dennis Hillman
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Ministry, 2022, (456 pages).
 

Pastors play a key role in any Church. They are frequently called to initiate, implement, and innovate on Church programs. Members of the Church rely on them for the smooth running of the Church. From Sunday services to weekly Church visitations, they are expected to meet the needs of the congregation members. Amid these weekly routines, there are happy events like weddings and baptisms, or sad events like illnesses and funerals. Then there are the seasons of the Church calendar such as Lent, Easter, Christmas, and others. This handbook covers a lot about these events, with a particular focus on weddings and funerals. Part One looks at a typical wedding service, providing sample service outlines, messages, and other relevant resources pertaining to the nature and meaning of marriages. 

Part Two follows the same framework as weddings above. Written with great sensitivity to the families of the bereaved, the chapters contain eulogy outlines, graveside instructions, memorial services, comforting messages, and sermons of hope. There are even outlines for pastors to provide for family members wanting to give memorial messages. Also included are resources that share some different perspectives of death and dying.

"Glimmers of Grace" (Kathryn Butler, MD)

TITLE: Glimmers of Grace: A Doctor's Reflections on Faith, Suffering, and the Goodness of God
AUTHOR: Kathryn Butler, MD
PUBLISHER: Wheaton, IL: Crossway Publishers, 2021, (224 pages).

Faith and Fear; Hope or Despair; Health or Sickness; Life and Death. These are the daily issues that plague hospitals all over the world. As a critical care surgeon who sees patients experiencing struggles of life and death, author Kathryn Butler has seen a wide spectrum of human ups and downs.  As a Christian, she has also questioned why God had allowed people to go through pain and suffering. Where is God in all of these? What happens when one does not see the promises of God fulfilled in their lives? How do we locate our feelings in the field of grace? This is what this book is about. Seeing God's grace in the midst of medical calamities. Written in three parts, Part One shows us how medical situations could challenge our faith. Part Two looks to the Bible for insights into who God is and how we can find comfort in God. Part Three moves forward to show us how to live with hope based on the Resurrection Promise. 

Butler shares many stories about the amazing grace in the hospital room. She sees how a dying man was able to hang on to his very last breath until his wife arrives. She marvels at how one Christian by the name of David continues to minister to his Church members in spite of his health condition. She remembers a strong and independent friend who just needed prayer even in the midst of discouragement. She notices how the best of medical sciences cannot measure up to the miracle of God's design. God heals from the inside out and the outside in when humans can only apply a band-aid. Each chapter comes with reflections about various medical situations and assurances from the Bible. Readers can sense quickly that the author needs the assurances herself too. Recognizing the limits of science and medicine propels her to embrace the mystery of God's assurance and eternal comfort. Science might define life as a beating and death as flatlining. Faith enables one to go beyond these parameters into the mysteries of the afterlife.

"Preaching to People in Pain" (Matthew D. Kim)

TITLE: Preaching to People in Pain: How Suffering Can Shape Your Sermons and Connect With Your Congregation
AUTHOR: Matthew D. Kim
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2021, (240 pages )
 

What type of sermons should pastors preach more of? Should it be more rah-rah "success-driven" high-fives or the more solemn sermons on pain and suffering? Arguing that success only happens to a minority while suffering is universal, author and professor Matthew Kim believes that sermons on suffering are more relevant for our world. Drawing from his pastoral and personal experience, this book shows us how we could walk with people in pain. Through the preaching of the Word, he models for us the way to "preach less pain-free sermons and to preach more pain-full sermons where preachers disclose their own su­ffering and pain." Designed more as a corrective rather than a directive, Kim is concerned about the way many pulpits celebrate sermons about success which in turn could lead to more individualism and materialism. He begins with his personal story that shapes his preaching narratives today. In pastoral ministry, he laments how pastors themselves experience rarely some care from their congregation members. Most care is unilateral from pastors outward. The same thing applies to seminary contexts where students expect their professors to constantly be at a top spiritual and emotional level. For both situations, the fact is that pastors and professors are human too. They need care as well. He shares about the pains some pastors go through. One was battling cancer. Another was going through a painful marriage. Still, another was experiencing unimaginable tragedy. Sadly, the culture we live in chooses to avoid instead of engaging. Suffering is ubiquitous, success is not. 

"Ward Nine: Coronavirus" (Alys Morgan)

TITLE: Ward Nine: Coronavirus: One Woman's Story
AUTHOR: Alys Morgan
PUBLISHER: Cardigan, Wales: Parthian Books, 2020, (150 pages).

We are now in the second year of the global pandemic. Since late 2019, many parts of the world have been locked down, travel curtailed, and in many countries, the mandatory wearing of masks. In the early part of 2020, it was also common to see members of the public coming out regularly to openly support workers in essential services. These are the front-line workers in healthcare, people who face customers regularly, and those in public services who had gone beyond their call of duty to serve others. Most of us see these healthcare professionals and frontline workers from the outside. What about scenes from the inside? What about stories and perspectives that come from the patients of hospitals, especially in those wards that are focused on caring for Covid patients? This book is about the story of a Covid-19 patient admitted to a special ward on March 21st, 2020, and her 48-day journey to recovery.

Part One of the book describes all the activities prior to her entering Ward 9, the NHS Wales and Mind. It all began with caution. With impending city lockdown, public facilities like libraries were all preparing to close. People were told to avoid gathering in public and to stay home. The news throughout the country was about the lockdown. Soon Alys Morgan was working from home. Some people were panic buying. People were starting to wear masks when they venture outside. Ten days later, her daughter Caitlin got sick. Soon, Alys got the sniffles, which coincided with the British Prime Minister who was moved into the Intensive Care due to Covid-19. By mid-April, it was Alys turn to get sick. As her illness struggles linger longer, her daily notes grew shorter. Soon she had to be hospitalized. She has been infected by the dreaded coronavirus. Even in her weakened condition, she manages to put down her observations in writing. She writes about how she was admitted to hospital. She remembers the different nurses and doctors checking her blood pressure, taking her temperature, monitoring her overall health, and the presence of so many different medical specialists. It was a surreal moment when she saw her ward description: "Ward Nine. Coronavirus: No Unauthorised Entry."

"Room of Marvels" (James Bryan Smith)

TITLE: Room of Marvels: A Story About Heaven that Heals the Heart
AUTHOR: James Bryan Smith
PUBLISHER: Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2020, (192 pages).

Presented through the eyes of Tim Hudson, the book begins with Tim going on a personal 5-day spiritual retreat in a secluded New England monastery. Tim is an established author. He shares with his spiritual director about the loss of his mother, his friend Wayne, and his young daughter Madison. He was at the point of losing his own faith in God despite previously writing books like "God's On Your Side." He describes the mundane daily activities like eating in silence; sitting in silence for hours in his room; pacing the floors; reading Scripture; eat, sleep; and dream. He asks questions about the efficacy of prayer. He seeks a personal voice from God. He tells of a dream about him even interacting with animals, seeing his barber friend Ernie, and various snippets of heaven. There Tim works through some theological struggles in his interactions. In heaven, he meets his old friend Wayne and continues with questions and curiosity about his life after death. These conversations reveal the deep friendship between Tim and Wayne. In heaven, Tim meets his great-grandmother, his mother, as well as his daughter. At his personal retreat, his spiritual mentor challenges him with snippets of spirituality gleaned through the wisdom of CS Lewis and Dallas Willard. He poses questions many of us would ask. Questions like:

"The Loss of a Grandparent to Covid-19" (Marion Donon)

TITLE: The loss of a grandparent to Covid-19, Gramps.: A short story to read to your children to help them through this difficult moment.
AUTHOR: Marion Donon
PUBLISHER: Give Me A Hug Collection, 2020, (21 pages).

This is a fictional story of a conversation between a mother and her son, who has just lost his grandfather. Written at the start of the pandemic, it was meant to support those going through emotional grief and physical strain, especially those affected directly by Covid-19. Due to time constraints, pictures and illustrations were pulled in order to facilitate a quick completion of the book. As the author says, the book is not about grief or bereavement. It is written like a story to reach out to children and parents on how best to talk about Covid-19 and the meaning of death and dying. 

It is never easy to talk to kids about "adult" topics such as death and dying. They are too young to understand what it means to leave this world. At the same time, death could impact anybody at any time. If we wait until it is too late, we would have missed out teaching moments or precious opportunities to show children early that life is not all play and fun. Life is hard and the earlier we prepare ourselves for it, the better. Covid-19 has impacted all parts of society. From the daily news updates about the pandemic to the continued wide media coverage about the coronavirus statistics, children in this generation would have heard of all these terms. Even if we try to avoid letting them know, they might be curious enough to ask and then to wonder about how it impacts them and their families. One of the best tried-and-tested methods is to use the power of stories. This way to communications help us be honest with our own feelings in an indirect manner. Stories give us words to share our thoughts and feelings in a non-threatening manner. They enable readers, and in this case, parents and their children to be on the same page as they openly discuss and talk about the meaning of loss. Some of the questions include:

• Why couldn't I go and see him in the hospital, Mommy?
• Why was the coffin already closed?
• Do you miss him?
• Mommy, why are you crying?
• Was he afraid?
• Where do you think he is now?
• Am I going to die too, Mommy?
• ....

The questions could have been more, but the way the author puts it makes it simple enough for parents to raise additional questions with their children and easy enough for children to follow along. Parents would think: "Hey, I could do that too!" Children would be free to ask their own set of questions as well. As I ponder on this book, I am glad that someone has written something to address children and how the prolonged coronavirus pandemic would impact them one way or another, sooner or later, directly or indirectly.

A former actress and director, with a masters in clinical psychology, Marion Donon now devotes her energy to children’s literature, while raising two small children of her own. She divides her time between France and the United States. 

Rating: 4 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of Marion Donon and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

"I've Seen the End of You" (W. Lee Warren)

TITLE: I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know
AUTHOR: W. Lee Warren
PUBLISHER: Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook, 2020, (272 pages).

What do you do with a tumour that has a 100% fatality rate? How do we cope with situations where there is no more hope for survival? Hope is one of the most cherished and necessary virtues for life. With hope, we can still grind through life. Without hope, it is a completely different story. He writes his experiences with patients, family, and loved ones with regard to life, faith, doubt, pain, gratitude, and hope. In a book that reads like a personal memoir, author and neurosurgeon, Dr Lee Warren shows us what he had learned from the experiences of people nearing death and losing hopes for survival. Many things he thought he knew, only to be humbled to realize that there are still many things he did not know. He shares these experiences in this personal revelation of faith, doubt, despair, and hope. The key question throughout the book is the very question the author wrote to Philip Yancey: "How can I pray for my patients when I already know how God is going to answer?" This is with regard to the type of brain cancer called "Glioblastoma Multiforme" (GBM), where from his medical experience has 100% fatality rate. For Warren, it is also a question of faith. "What happens when our messy lives mess with what we think we believe?"

"Faith is For Weak People" (Ray Comfort)

TITLE: Faith Is for Weak People: Responding to the Top 20 Objections to the Gospel
AUTHOR: Ray Comfort
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2019, (224 pages).

Not many Christians actively share the gospel. Some hide behind good works while others succumb to a climate of fear and intimidation. The Bible urges believers to be strong and courageous for if God is for us, who can be against us? Plus, there is no fear in love for perfect love casts out all fear. Why then are people afraid to speak up for God's Word and the salvation of the world? Perhaps, it is due to the hostility surrounding Christianity in society. It might also be linked to people feeling ill equipped to deal with objections, especially those questions that even Christians find it hard to answer. Bible teacher and apologist, Ray Comfort knows it from experience. He makes his point very clear. Some Christians roar like lions on social issues such as corruption, violence, poverty, drug abuse, and so on, but when it comes to the gospel, they squeak like mice. The way of salvation is not through good works but through the gospel of Jesus Christ. More importantly, love overcomes all manner of fear. After making a passionate plea for all believers to advance the gospel, Comfort challenges all to have a ready answer for 20 top objections. I have paraphrased most of them.

"Departing in Peace" (Bill Davis)

TITLE: Departing in Peace: Biblical Decision-Making at the End of Life
AUTHOR: Bill Davis
PUBLISHER: Phillipsburg, PA: P&R Publishing, 2017, (328 pages).

Many of us have heard of situations where people had to make tough medical decisions pertaining to a terminally ill patient. Should we extend medical care at all costs just to keep the person alive? What if the person is brain dead? What if the only way to stay alive is through hospital ICU care and expensive equipment to sustain life? How can we make biblically sound decisions pertaining to extending or ending life? As far as euthanasia is concerned, is it our role to play God? Is there ever a justification to take away life? These are tough questions to answer, let alone navigate. That is probably why there are so few books and resources available to help us answer such tough questions. Thankfully, Bill Davis fills in the gap with this very helpful resource that is biblical and thoughtful. In this book, we have an A to Z guide on what to do with such issues. The list includes:

• Biblical Principles: Stewardship; Authority to Decide; Honouring Life and Accepting Death
• Medical Issues: Making EOL medical decisions (Coma; Mental consciousness; Terminal Illness; Permanent Tube feeding;...)
• Ethical Issues: Knowing the limits and the wisdom of making decisions when one is mentally healthy
• Legal Matters: Advanced Medical Directives 
• Philosophical Issues: 
• Financial Considerations: Is it ok to commit to sky-high medical expenses beyond our means?
• Deciding between curative care vs comfort care
• Deciding between extending earthly joy vs entering spiritual joy
• Hospital Realities: Not exactly what Hollywood has painted them to be. 
• Questions to Ask Doctors

"Imagine Heaven" (John Burke)

TITLE: Imagine Heaven: Near-Death Experiences, God's Promises, and the Exhilarating Future That Awaits You
AUTHOR: John Burke
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2015, (352 pages).

Many books have been written about heaven and the Near-Death-Experiences (NDEs). What can we make of them? What are the legitimate ones? What is heaven really like? Are the testimonies too good to be true? Where is the biblical support for such incidences? In a book that has been incubated over 35 years of questioning, pondering, and experiencing, the author has heard over 1000 NDEs. Intrigued by the frequency of occurrences, Burke realizes the acute difference between "reported experiencing" and "interpretation" of the experience. Keen to understand all of these from a biblical perspective, author and pastor John Burke invites us on a journey to experience heaven. He believes that people who fail to imagine heaven will be unable to live for it. People must have at least that glimpse of the heavenly kingdom in order to have their faith revitalized and hope rekindled. "If you only knew what awaits you" starts the enticement toward heavenly matters.

George Ritchie was clinically dead for nine minutes. When we came back to life, his whole perspective to life was changed. He started a Peace Corps after experiencing a heavenly moment of glory and lament about things undone when he was alive. He came back with a powerful sense of purpose to ensure that the life he had would be well lived. Unlike medical skeptics and doubts among most people, the NDEs are not just about scientific explanations of subjective experiences. They are about a profound change of a person after their encounters. Studying the range of NDEs, Burke highlights some common things. Many of these NDEs are not profit driven and feedback from people do not necessarily gain them anything. Moreover, the experience is global. Mary Neal, an orthopedic surgeon came back from an NDE after a kayaking accident, with a renewed and even more purposeful sense of living. Jeff Olsen who had a low emotional point of life after experiencing heaven, returned with an amazing sense of joy. Pilot Dale Black started building orphanages, churches, and medical clinics after a plane crash in which he returned from an NDE with fervent desire to make a difference. Eben Alexander, a Harvard neurologist personally experienced and knew that the human experience lives far beyond the grave. These stories and many more occupy the bulk of these books, accompanied by professional opinions as well as interpretations, with the author as an interested participant as listener. Burke draws in biblical insights to show us that the Bible has already referred to lots of such experiences. We do not need to personally get an NDE just to believe. If we believe the Bible, surely, there are already lots of evidence and stories of Jesus that we can hold on to.

"And It Was Beautiful" (Kara Tippetts)

TITLE: And It Was Beautiful: Celebrating Life in the Midst of the Long Good-Bye
AUTHOR: Kara Tippetts
PUBLISHER: Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook Publishers, 2016, (208 pages).

“I was here. I saw beauty. I embraced it.”

With these words, the late Kara Tippetts boldly faced an uncertain future with emotional certainty. In 2014, at the age of 38, the author entered hospice care to prepare for her looming death. She died on March 22nd, 2015, in Colorado Springs, leaving behind a pastor-husband Jason, and four young children. Less than three years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. After her death, the editors of David C. Cook decided to compile her writings from her blog (Mundane Faithfulness) about her journey through the valley of the shadow of dying. Published posthumously, their aim is to let the words of Tippetts encourage the living, especially those who may be going through a difficult period.

The book comprises Four Acts of her life. Act One is filled with stories about mundane moments of life, Tippetts was able to capture her emotional ups and downs in what is uniquely Tippetts-style. It was a style that believed she was not facing cancer alone. She believed that her family would be taken care of even after her death. She pondered about the perfect peace God had promised, amid the pain she was going through. She encountered what it means to be sufficient by God’s grace. She got frustrated with constant attention for her to get well. She appreciated her husband for constantly pointing her attention to God, and in the process less focused on her own self. With moments of fear come peace. With feelings of ugliness come the awareness of the beauty around her. With existing pain comes anticipated relief. She even felt a special connection with the victims of the Sandy Hook tragedy. She was poetic when remembering the birthday of her husband.

"The Hardest Peace" (Kara Tippetts)

TITLE: The Hardest Peace: Expecting Grace in the Midst of Life's Hard
AUTHOR: Kara Tippetts
PUBLISHER: Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook Publishers, 2014, (192 pages)

Life is hard. For some, life can be even harder despite being children of peace. For Kara Tippetts, mother of four young children, her journey through life seems to comprise of more valleys than mountains. In a title that is very revealing about how hard life can be, Tippetts shares openly about her childhood, her challenges in marriage, her encounter with fire, and her unending spates of illnesses.

Right from the onset, Tippetts share about her childhood where the highs were very high and the lows very low. As a young victim of anger, and a "witness to so much pain," Tippetts sought out solace through childhood rebellion in beer, marijuana, and boys. When she found Jesus, she knew that there was a lot of her past that she needed healing from. Then, there was the marriage where she and her husband Jason needed to learn how to fight fair and to use kindness as a way to save their marriage. As a wife who supports her husband in ministry, the whole family uprooted themselves from North Carolina to go toward Colorado springs. Their step of faith required an even bigger step. Like the fire that threatened to derail their plans, but instead taught her about the value of relationships over things.

Perhaps, the hardest of it all would be the series of painful ailments and devastating illnesses that would occupy the bulk of the book. It all started on that fateful day of July 23rd, 2012 when she was diagnosed with Stage IV metastatic cancer. It was terminal and spreading. Not knowing how long she will get to live, she decided to spend the rest of her life to cherish her family and friends, to live with faith in God and hope for a future promised in Christ. The book is drenched with her personal struggles against physical pain. Yet, it is soaked in that gentle assurance that God is present in her suffering. Much of the book is drawn from her blog, "Mundane Faithfulness," and pieced together in 8 chapters. There is a gradual surrender that it was not going to be her will but God's. There is also that conviction of how she is dying to self each day. Tippetts is real, both in her pain as well as in her hope. This fighting spirit and authentic self have captured the hearts of many people. Tippetts's blog, an online cancer journal is widely followed. She has contributed to many articles in several Christian sites and widely reported in mainstream media, especially after her touching open letter to another dying patient, Brittany Maynard, who took her own life on November 1st, 2014.

It is not easy to be open and honest about something so personal and private. Yet, Tippetts have found courage to tell her story and to share her life not only with her circle of friends but with the public. This is testimony of her strength amid suffering. Her story is her unique rendition of what it means to be struggling in this world and at the same time, maintaining a firm conviction that the day will come, when God will wipe away every tear, erase all suffering, and embrace His children.

I appreciate the way Tippetts end the book with a letter to her husband Jason, and a reply from Jason, expressing the age old phrase: "Love never fails." Life is hard, but it is also beautiful. For Tippetts, seen from the eyes of love and faith, beauty is everywhere.

conrade

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This book is provided to me courtesy of David C. Cook Publishers and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

"The Good Funeral" (Thomas G. Long and Thomas Lynch)

TITLE: The Good Funeral: Death, Grief, and the Community of Care
AUTHOR: Thomas G. Long and Thomas Lynch
PUBLISHER: Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2013, (280 pages).

Many people like to talk about life. Few are willing to talk about death. Truth is, everyone will die one day. They will leave behind loved ones. They will set in motion a series of mourning and bereavement that are flooded with tears, accompanied by sobs, or silenced by grief. How do we treat the dead with dignity? How do we comfort the bereaved with sensitivity? Two persons, one a well-known funeral director and the other a renowned pastor-theologian come together to talk about the topic of death, grief, dying, caring, and preparing for a good funeral. In fact, a good and dignified funeral is the best way to say a permanent goodbye to a life that has ended. This conviction is shared by the authors who also share the same firstnames. Even the forewords are written by two persons of similar backgrounds to the author: one, a brother of the funeral director, and the other, a Presbyterian minister. While Lynch's work orientates him toward an agnostic disposition, Long tries to nuance his understanding and appreciation of different faiths, and at the same time, not compromise on his beliefs. Both know what it means to grieve.