"Forgiveness" (Matthew Ichihashi Potts)

TITLE: Forgiveness: An Alternative Account
AUTHOR: Matthew Ichihashi Potts
PUBLISHER: New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2022, (288 pages).
 

Forgiveness is the necessary bridge over troubled waters. It is the glue for broken relationships. It is the essence of human relationships. Yet, when the pains inflicted defy the theories of forgiveness, that becomes a totally different thing. "Why forgive?" becomes "Why me?" For deep hurts, it might even lead to "Why Should I Forgive?" It has been said that it is hard for people to say that they are sorry. While that might be true for prideful people, it might even be more so for people who have been deeply hurt. There are many types of hurt. There are many different ways to respond to hurt. There are also many different reasons why people find it hard to forgive even when it is essential. Some think that forgiveness is just about forgetting all that has been done. Some take the theological angle that our forgiveness ought to reflect that of Christ. Unfortunately, that can be misguided in the sense that it forgets our humanness. Yes, we are called to be divine but we are also human, needing help from day to day. I suppose the end is clear we need to forgive just like Christ. It is the process that is the problem. This is where Potts's book is helpful. It presents a human side of how we can eventually forgive honestly and meaningfully. More importantly, we need Christ in order to fully forgive. 

"The Ignatian Guide to Forgiveness" (Marina Berzins McCoy)

TITLE: The Ignatian Guide to Forgiveness: Ten Steps to Healing
AUTHOR: Marina Berzins McCoy
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Loyola Press, 2020, (144 pages).
 

Forgiveness is more like a dance. Our first dance partner is God, followed by everyone else at a party. Then, regardless of wealth or social status, all come together to interact as people. The party is by invitation. The mood is celebratory. Call it a ten-step dance or as the author calls it, a "road map." Each step helps to till and loose any hardened soil of bitterness. Not only that, it helps one be more aware of the changes happening inside, to let God draw one closer to Him and His heart. Due to sin, forgiveness is never a default human inclination. That is why we all need God's help, and this book guides us in that direction. Based on the spiritual teachings of St Ignatius of Loyola, this book is a companion to guide readers through the fundamentals of prayer and especially the prayer of examen. After laying down some basic themes of Ignation spirituality, McCoy takes time to commit the book to prayer, praying the concluding prayer of pilgrims traveling along the Camino de Santiago (Way of St James). This is a reminder that prayer is a pilgrimage with God. Like a spiritual expedition, we prepare our hearts to encounter milestones, twists and turns, highs and lows, and all manner of terrain. She then launches into the steps proper, starting with three challenging questions:

"Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome" (Nancy C. Anderson)

TITLE: Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair-Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage
AUTHOR: Nancy C. Anderson
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications, 2017, (152 pages).

Getting married is easy. Staying married is the hard part. What about preparation to stay married? This is where this book fills in the gap. In other words, don't wait until the crisis before doing something about our marriages. Nourish and prepare for the challenges in the road ahead. For all marriages will be challenging in one way or another. Popular author, Nancy Anderson believes that it is possible, even though she had admitted cheating on her husband before. That was then. Having survived infidelity, she is back on a mission to use her story to help others build affair-proof hedges around their marriages. For Anderson, it takes years of rebuilding after that momentary fling with sexual temptation and adultery. Readers will not find lots of theories or concepts about marriage. Instead, they will be witnessing the sudden fall from grace and the long road to recovery. Written in two parts, Part One describes the author's betrayal of her marriage vows; confession of her affair; and the difficult journey of restoring her broken marriage. Each chapter is about what happened in her life that leads to her poor decisions. Before the confession, there was confusion about what was the right thing to do. Would she let her feelings rule the day, or will she return to the fundamental meaning of the marital vows. Plus, how does one apply biblical principles of truth and reconciliation in this complicated web of betrayal and distrust? So, before Anderson and her husband press the divorce button, they realize that recovery is possible. All it takes is commitment and determination to make things right. In starting over, she learns many lessons and takes the time to share these lessons with us. The rest of the book is about her experience and how we can avoid falling into the pitholes of temptations. How to plant and build hedges around one's marriage? Anderson goes through eight whole chapters on how to do just that. Each chapter springboards out of a biblical verse. Anderson uses HEDGES as an acronym for action:

• H = Hearing
• E = Encouraging
• D = Dating
• G = Guarding
• E = Educating
• S = Satisfying

"Forgiveness and Justice" (Bryan Maier)

TITLE: Forgiveness and Justice: A Christian Approach
AUTHOR: Bryan Maier
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Ministry, 2017, (160 pages).

Much have been written about forgiveness. Yet, the world is in deep need for more forgiveness. In fact, one might say that we don't need more theories about forgiveness, only more practice. In the eyes of author Bryan Maier, there is still a lack of  "clear, consistent, theologically informed" materials on forgiveness. In order to understand what forgiveness entails, one needs a biblical grounding of what forgiveness is. Putting it another way, we have a lot of materials on the therapeutic aspect as well as the theological. The key contribution in this book is to answer the question: "Can forgiveness, according to its contemporary brands, coexist with justice?" 

A key note would be Maier's assertion that for any corporate levels of forgiveness to be authentic, it must first occur at a personal level. He highlights the case of George and Ellen's extra marital affairs of getting back at each other to show us how difficult forgiveness can be in the midst of hurt, shame, and betrayal of trust. He lists the four common conclusions of forgiveness literature as well as the pros and cons of Enright's and Worthington's models. He helps us along by understanding that there are the therapeutic forgiveness (helping the victim); theological-forensic forgiveness (from the Bible); and relational forgiveness (for the sake of the relationship). How then do we choose? Here is where Maier's expertise shines. Instead of rushing for solutions, he guides readers toward a sharper understanding of the essence of forgiveness. He sets three boundaries on the meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a response to a moral violation. It is not an alternative perspective. It is more than empathy. He then prepares to bring in the topic of justice by showing our innate desire for equity and fairness. Every act of forgiveness produces in a person some kind of "relational ambivalence." On the one hand, one forgives. On the other hand, one does not quite feel satisfied or fair. Yet, what is impossible with humans is possible with God. The Christian model of forgiveness is based on what Christ had done for us. If there is anyone who deserves to keep score, it would be God. If not, why do we hang on to grudges and resentment? Maier takes us through trusting God to deliver justice. He shows us how to use the imprecatory psalms to direct our attention. He reminds us once again that forgiveness is other-centered and must be actively initiated. Maier comes back to the story of George and Ellen to show us how he would help them approach reconciliation and forgiveness. 

"Letting Go" (David T. Harvey and Paul Byron Gilbert)

TITLE: Letting Go: Rugged Love for Wayward Souls
AUTHOR: David T. Harvey and Paul Byron Gilbert
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2016, (192 pages).

You've tried your best. You've gone over and beyond your call of duty. You've ran the second mile, gave till it hurt, and turned the other cheek. Yet the one you loved had turned away and left you. What then do you do? Answer: Learn to let go. The parable of the Prodigal Son is one classic story to bring us into what the loving father felt at the time when he needed to let go. For some of us, the biblical story remained a story until it hits home up close and personal. Questions would fly at us fast and furious. What do we do with a rebellious child? How can we solve a relational problem? What do we do when someone doesn't listen to advice despite our best intentions? According to authors Dave Harvey and Paul Gilbert, we need to practice the wisdom of letting go without losing hope. The two basic truth we need to acknowledge from the Bible is:

1. This world is broken, and this leads to lots of pain and hurt;
2. We need God's grace in order to move from despair to hope.

"Change of Heart" (Jeanne Bishop)

TITLE: Change of Heart: Justice, Mercy, and Making Peace with My Sister's Killer
AUTHOR: Jeanne Bishop
PUBLISHER: Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2015, (208 pages).

It is very easy to say goodbye to a distant relationship. It is also very easy to apologize for small matters. What if forgiveness is more than the word "sorry?" What if it comes with a huge cost? What if the someone before you have brutally taken away someone very dear to you? Worse, what if that someone had cruelly murdered one's younger sister, her husband, and their unborn child 23 years ago? How can one practice forgiveness amid a climate of deep evil?

If one does not know what is evil, think about a man pulling a trigger on a husband pleading for his life. Think of a pregnant woman receiving not just one but two bullets to her body: One for her and one for her unborn baby. Think of a young family who had so much future for them only to be senselessly taken away by a deranged killer. Why didn't God prevent the murders?

"Forgiveness" (Marjorie J. Thompson)

TITLE: Forgiveness: A Lenten Study
AUTHOR: Marjorie J. Thompson
PUBLISHER: Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2014, (128 pages).

Desmond Tutu once said, "There is no future without forgiveness." In the same light, author Marjorie Thompson asserts that "There is no Christianity without forgiveness." Recognizing that life is "inextricably connected" to forgiveness, Lent is a time that we learn to empty ourselves of ourselves so that we can make room for God and others. Far too often, people have allowed their unconscious self-ego and conscious self-seeking to dominate others for the sake of self, instead of giving oneself up for the sake of others. For to be Christlike is about learning to give of oneself and to forgive others no matter how much wrong had been inflicted. Knowing how important and also the difficulty in the act and art of forgiving, Presbyterian pastor and author of "Soul Feast" attempts to show us the way of forgiveness through six chapters of thought-provoking meditations of Bible passages in order to accomplish three purposes.

1. Learning to listen to voices outside and inside;
2. Learning to discern the subject of forgiveness from a biblical and theological standpoint;
3. Learning to cultivate a heart and mind for forgiveness.

Beginning with Luke 15:11-32, the famous passage of the parable of the loving father and the prodigal son, Thompson seeks to demonstrate that the story is not just about one person seeking forgiveness, namely the runaway son, but forgiveness is communal. It impacts not just the individual but whole communities. Although offenses are different, the response of forgiveness is the same. It is because God is Trinity, and desires to welcome us into fellowship, that we too need to welcome others into one another's fellowship. For it turns one's enemy into kinsman which leads us to the true shalom of God.

Understanding that forgiveness is a hard path to take, Thompson gently guides us toward self-examination, for the lack of it will make forgiveness hard, if not impossible. What makes it appropriate for Lent is that self-examination helps us to pay close attention to our hearts and our minds, in order to cultivate an honesty and humility before God. Then we will appreciate what unconditional love is about, and we will learn about the failures of being human. Using Psalm 51 and Psalm 139 as guides, one becomes more conscious of sin. One learns not to hide or run away. Self-examination demands honesty about one's desire to either fight or take flight from the situation. It is about recognizing the "little Hitler" in each of us that tends to shift our focus toward judgmentalism and egoism. The desire to go beyond fight and flight leads us to the third way: Repentance and Reconciliation. It begins with God. It begins with self-knowledge that without God, we are unable to be reconciled to people. For repentance is not about digging ourselves out of our hole, but admitting we are powerless in ourselves and we need God's hand to pull us out of our spiritual quicksand. It is repenting from pride to seek forgiveness from others. There are three components of a good apology: Acknowledging the wrong; Actualizing visible repentance; Vulnerability. Thompson makes a good point about our failure to forgive ourselves being an arrogant posture to be aware of.

Thompson goes through the forgiveness process with biblical principles in chapter five. Here, we are reminded of Jesus teaching Peter that forgiveness is unlimited. We learn that forgiveness is a command, not an option. When one does not "want to forgive," there is a presence of resentment and arrogance. That said, readers can bask in the many tough stories of how traumatized people eventually find a way out of the quagmire of resentment and arrogance. Chapter 5 alone is worth the price of the book. We read of stories of betrayal, murder, revenge, and how many people despite the odds are able to overcome. Key to the forgiveness process is to move away from a perpetrator-victim mindset toward a peer-to-peer trust and acceptance of each other. Forgiveness leads to reconciliation. Reconciliation leads to a renewal of relationships. Renewal of relationships leads to restoration of the community. Thompson then deals with the topics of retributive justice vs restorative justice, arguing for the latter.

So What?

The deeper the hurt, the more difficult the forgiveness process. The paradox is this. The more entrenched we are in refusing to forgive, the more hurt we become. For hurt people tends to hurt other people. Healed people participate in the process of healing for all. Forgiveness is so central to the Christian faith and in human relationships in general that I feel this book may be too short! Surely, many more stories can be told about how hurt people can find ways to be restored. That is why I appreciate the study guide at the end of the book which enables readers to put into practice what was written and taught. Forgiveness is more about the will to do something about it, regardless of whether we are right or have been wronged. Anyone can initiate the process, but every one needs to experience first hand what it means to be forgiven. Those of us who have been touched by God and have experienced the unconditional love and powerful grace of God can attest to the reality of forgiveness and restoration. Thompson weaves in the art of spirituality with the science of psychology, and maintains a down to earth awareness of the human soul. The study guide contains many good steps and instructions easy enough to follow.


Is forgiveness an appropriate theme for Lent? My short answer is: Why not? Lent is a 40 days journey and remembrance of Jesus preparing himself to go to the Cross. Many churches have Lenten observance through prayer, quiet reflections, fasting, abstaining from worldly pleasures, and many other spiritual disciplines. Forgiveness is a spiritual discipline that can be practised all year round. Yet, for Lent, it can be a powerful way to center ourselves in acknowledging we need God. We need one another. We need ourselves to be right with God and with people. Forgiveness is that swiss-army tool of spirituality that covers multiple fronts. Best of all, it breaks through human pride and arrogance, God's way.

Rating: 5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me courtesy of Westminster John Knox Press and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

"Transforming Church Conflict" (Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger & Theresa F. Latini)

TITLE: Transforming Church Conflict: Compassionate Leadership in Action
AUTHOR: Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger and Theresa F. Latini
PUBLISHER: Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2013, (184 pages).

All communities over time will experience conflicts. Churches too. It is not about whether conflicts will occur or not. It is a question of when. Knowing this fact of life, perhaps, since conflicts are going to happen anyway, why not learn how to positively deal with it? Rather than let conflicts deform and destroy relationships, why not use them as opportunities to transform people and the Church community? This calls for compassionate leadership. Based on their experience and knowledge of "Non-Violent Communications," developed by Marshall Rosenberg, the authors learn of eight ways in which NVC can be used to transform Church conflicts. Below is my paraphrase.

1. From Criticisms to Opportunities for Greater Understanding;
2. From Disengagement to Dialogue;
3. From Hurting to Healing;
4. From Dismissive to Meaningful Expressing of Oneself;
5. From Nonchalance to Compassion for People;
6. From Anger to Healthy Application of Such Emotions;
7. From a Distant Observer to a Mediating Brother;
8. From Indifference to Authenticity.

"Wounded by God's People" (Anne Graham Lotz)

TITLE: Wounded by God's People: Discovering How God's Love Heals Our Hearts
AUTHOR: Anne Graham Lotz
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2013, (240 pages).

Some of the deepest hurts are inflicted by people closest to you, even God's people. Some of the deepest healings are guided by God through the valley of hurts and wounds. So says the daughter of the famous Billy Graham. This reality has been experienced by many people. Most of them do get unreported. For various reasons, people choose to keep silent and quietly suffer the hurts they have received. Some will leave their church community they love. Others may even go around mouthing bad things as a retaliation. Not many will go on record to forgive and to publicly testify how God has healed them in spite of the deep hurts they have suffered from God's people. Ruth Graham Lotz is one such person who bucks the trend. She begins with painful memories of how she and her husband have been ostracized by her own Church in the aftermath of a power struggle, and compares her experience to that of Hagar. Feeling dumped by most of the Church people, she experiences the pain of rejection. Moreover, she was hurt by people she had respected, even receiving some wrongful accusations along the way.  As she recalls the blows, she reflects back on Hagar, how God is bigger than any hurt.

Being hurt also brings about certain positive things. She learns that people who wound others are people who have been wounded themselves. This is the vicious cycle of pain. Like Sarah who has experienced the pain of being ignored by her husband, and as a result hurts Hagar. There is also the example of Hannah in the Bible, who was constantly ridiculed by Peninnah for not bearing a child. What happens is usually escape or to take flight. Wounded people, especially God's people often run away from the people who wound them. Thankfully, Lotz wastes no time in bringing readers toward the God who heals. Less than a third into the book, readers will notice that Lotz's intent is to lead people toward God more and more. There is no hurt too deep that God cannot reach. No one can outrun God. At the same time, God also shows us our blind spots. We need to be humble to see and to do something about it, with God's help. Lotz also makes an insightful note that it is those times when we feel hurt that we can be tempted to look out at the specks of other people's eyes, forgetting about the log in our own eye. It is a reminder that hurt people are not perfect themselves. When God heals us from wounds by others, God can also heal us of our self-inflicted wounds. The chapter on the "Spiritual Blind Spots" by itself is worth the price of the book.

Hurts can also come about through the act of wounding. When God prunes, He can also feel the hurts. Discipline can be painful. Sometimes, God can use others to discipline us. Thus, we cannot be too liberal to say that all hurts are evil and badly intended. Readers are reminded that when God is in control, He is free to use all methods to guide us, even hurts. That said, God is no sadist. Though sometimes, for those of us who receive hurtful wounds hurled at us one after another, we start to question whether God is fair to us in the first place. What is most important in these cases, is to remember steadfastly that the world may forsake us, but God will never forsake us. When we are in the wilderness, God is there. When we cry, God is there. When we need hope, God is there. Just because we do not feel it does not mean God is absent. For every seemingly silent moment is a tiptoe by God to look for opportunities to touch us. Even if God is around us, we need open hearts to let Him in. We need to open up our clenched fists and to let Him hold us. One touching moment is how Anne Lotz lets God reach out to her through her famous dad. In a moment of exceptional sensitivity and love, the author's terrible day turns into a terrific moment of praise and thanksgiving. All because she knows someone cares. This book through and through is a testimony of how God cares for His people, especially when they feel hurt.

So What?

Having experienced personal hurts, Anne Graham Lotz is an example that often, authors do not choose their books. Their own life experiences dictates the way. Aware that there are many who choose to keep silent in order to avoid embarrassing themselves or others, Lotz chooses to make it known in this very personal book. She anchors her book on the truth that Jesus is able to heal not merely because He is God, but He has also been wounded by people.

Although the title of the book says wounded, this book is less about the wounding but more about the healing. After all, any hurts written about have already happened. Any conflicts have already occurred. What remains is the nursing of the wounds, the remembrance of them may be even more distressing.

I used to tell my fellow pastors that "sheep can bite." What I fail to add is that sheep can also be healing agents used by God. People hurt. God heals. That often happens through people who are willing to let God use them. Of all the challenges of recovering from hurts, I think the most difficult will be our self-inflicted hurts. Our self-imposed prison can be the most difficult to overcome. Lotz calls this the stubborn spirit. In such times, we all need eyes that not only can see, but eyes that are willing to see. We need ears that not only can hear, but are willing to listen. We need hearts that not only are open, but are willingly laid open for God to use and to touch. People can hurt us lots. People can throw mud at our faces or torment us with their words. The test of character is how we respond. Do we retaliate? Do we judge? Do we wallow in self-pity and regret? Or do we demonstrate the grace of God and to let the peace of God that transcends all understanding, keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus our Lord?

One more thing. Remember that while every hurt is an opportunity for healing, it can also be spiritual moments of encountering God when we are most bare, most vulnerable, and most raw. This book is required reading for all who love the Church, those who have been hurt, and those who yearn to see more of God, in spite of their wounds.

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me free by Zondervan and NetGalley without any obligation for a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

Book Review: "Unconditional?" (Brian Zahnd)

TITLE: Unconditional?: The call of Jesus to radical forgiveness
AUTHOR: Brian Zahnd
PUBLISHER: Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2011, (256 pages).

This book is poised to be one of the most important books on forgiveness this decade. It argues that Christianity is essentially about forgiveness, in particular, radical forgiveness that is unconditional. This requires us to go back to our roots of the Christian faith. The basic assertion is this.

"If Christianity is about anything, it is about forgiveness. Not forgiveness as merely an end in itself or a legal means of escaping pubishment, but forgiveness as reconciliation and total restoration." (xix)

"Too often the message of Jesus has been misrepresented by the ugly faces of legalism, triumphalism, and religiously inspired hatred. My hope is that you will allow me to present to you the beautiful face of Christianity - the face of forgiveness." (xx-xxi)

Zahnd leads readers through the dark trenches of sin and evil. From the Holocaust memories, he shares about how an Austrian Jew called Simon Wiesenthal comes face to face with a Nazi officer who has brutally killed and tortured his fellow Jews. He raises the question of how can any Armenian ever forgive the Ottoman Turks, who have murdered, raped, massacred and enslaved millions of Armenians during the genocide of 1915-1917. He even talks about the 21 terrorists who turn September 11 into a tragic display of evil. As if these stories are not enough, the author brings up Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn horrible 8 years of suffering in a Soviet prison under the hands of Joseph Stalin. He shares with us the story of Nikolai Velimirovic, a Serbian Orthodox bishop who was betrayed by one of his priests, and sent to a concentration camp. Enroute to persuading readers that it is possible to forgive in the light of impossible crimes, the author highlights classic examples of how Corrie Ten Boom forgave her SS officer who killed her family, and about how Pope John Paul II forgave Mehmet Ali Agca who tried to assassinate him.

While the usual options when it comes to justice is either to exact payment, or inflict punishment, Zahnd offers a third option, costly grace.

"Allowing forgiveness to purge the unforgiveness in our hearts is what enables us to move beyond injustice and not be chained to it for life." (64)

Through the example of Ingrid Betancourt who suffered 6 years of torture by Colombian security forces, learns that forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about breaking the' cycle of revenge' (65). It is about letting God take care of the revenge part, while we kill any desire to prolong the cycle of violence. Through the example of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables, Zahnd shows us that forgiveness can also save another person's soul.

Page after page, story after story, the author tugs at our hearts to move us from conditional forgiveness to unconditional forgiveness, and gradually toward radical forgiveness. Along the way, he deals with the barriers that prevent us from forgiving. Through the examples of Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela, he asserts that there is no future without forgiveness. Through the example of the tragic shooting of five schoolgirls in the Nickel Mines' Amish community, the author shows us that it is possible to let forgiveness transcends tragedy. He deals with the very important question of justice by saying that justice + mercy = reconciliation. Zahnd also criticizes some Christian quarters tendency to justify their revengeful ways. Here he uses John Steinbeck's novel, The Grapes of Wrath to say that the justice that some Christians attempt is actually 'self-righteous' and 'self-appointed morality police' (147). In Christ, the ugliness of sin when washed by the blood of forgiveness, will result in a beautiful scene of God's redeeming grace for the world.

This book is a bitter pill to swallow, especially for those of us who have gone through deep hurts and suffering. It is not easy to forgive. It is harder to forget. What is most important is that while Zahnd raises the need to forgive, he provides the Source from which true forgiveness can flow. In Christ, we have an example of forgiveness. We have the power to forgive that is not of our own strength. If we claim to follow Christ, we need to be prepared to imitate what Christ has done. This book is certainly not for the faint-hearted or the tough-minded person. It is for those with open minds, willing hearts, and forgiven souls, and all persons who WANT to forgive but don't know how. The stories in the book alone are worth the price of the book.

"We are to be the light of the world and the sons of God - through a proclamation and practice of a gospel of peace based in forgiveness." (207)

"The hope for peace that I see is where the disciples of Jesus don't just watch in admiration as Jesus carried his cross, but practice an imitation of the same kind of cross-bearing forgiveness." (216)

"As followers of the Lamb, we must come to realize that it is only through the practice of radical forgiveness that we can achieve real peace. Peace with God comes by forgiving and being forgiven." (218)

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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