"Talking with Teens About Sexuality" (Beth Robinson, EdD; and Latayne C. Scott PhD)

TITLE: Talking with Teens about Sexuality
AUTHOR: Beth Robinson, EdD; and Latayne C. Scott PhD
PUBLISHER: Bloomington, MN: Bethany House Publishers, 2021, (208 pages).

Living with Teenagers can be quite an enriching experience, educational too. Not just for teenagers but more so for parents. When asked about what their parents needed to know about "teens and sex," a group of teenagers quickly replied: "Everything!" Indeed, there are many, if not everything, that parents need to know in order to relate to their growing child at an impressionable age. The curious thing is this: Parents have also gone through their respective teen phase. What else do they need to learn? It's the "other" perspective. It is one thing to experience the growing-up phase. It is yet another to be on the receiving side of teenager communications. So for many "clueless" parents, they need help, and they need it badly. For the contexts have changed drastically over the years. Compared to many parents' generation, today's kids have smartphones and ready connectivity to the Internet. Many of them are digital natives. They are also becoming immersed in a liberal culture that challenges many traditions of the past. What was taboo then is acceptable now. What seems reprehensible yesterday is embraced openly today. This is particularly true in the area of sexuality, something that teens battle with as they grapple with raging hormonal changes. The authors list some questions to show us the range of issues with regard to sexuality:

Cultivating Teen Faith (Richard Osmer & Katherine M. Douglass, eds)

TITLE: Cultivating Teen Faith: Insights from the Confirmation Project
AUTHOR: Richard Osmer & Katherine M. Douglass, eds
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans, 2018, (240 pages).

One of the most important aspects of Christian leadership is about the preparation for the next generation of leaders. However, there are major obstacles that stand between the young and the Church. The pattern is similar. The young are simply not interested about the Christian faith. Youth ministries often have limited success.  Even if the children who grew up in Church are not keen to come. Such similar concerns spark the confirmation project, a three-year study of over 3000 congregations in America, spanning five different denominations. The twelve researchers gather both empirical data as well as apply their reflection on practical theology. Those who responded include parents, youths, workers, and leaders of church ministries. The name "confirmation" is traditionally used to symbolize the beginning of youth ministry. The researchers discover that youth ministries cannot be reduced to a one-time program or experience. Instead, they must be a process of intentional discipleship strategies. Using qualitative research methodology known as portraiture, they whittle down the selections to 12 success stories. It is also encouraging that youths who participated in the research find the following topics important for confirmation programs: God, Bible, The Lord's Prayer, Death & Resurrection, Experiencing God, Apostles' Creed, Meaning of Life, History, and Miracles. Interestingly, it was found that young people strongly mirror the faith of their parents. Those who participate in confirmation ministries are also more religious than their peers. At the same time, learning more about their faith does not mean they automatically grow. Significant factors include regular attendance at youth programs, VBS, Sunday worship, and camps. Youths who attend Sunday services regularly also feel a greater sense of belonging. The contributors take these five major findings and propose five ways to cultivate teen faith.

"101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties" (Paul Angone)

TITLE: 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties: (And Let's Be Honest, Your Thirties Too)
AUTHOR: Paul Angone
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2018, (256 pages).

Many teens in high school when asked about what they want to do with their lives, the typical answer is: "I don't know." Even those who declare some area of interest soon find themselves choosing other options soon after. High school students change electives and concentrations. Undergraduates move from course to course. Some prefer to simply go earn some money while thinking about what their second job would be. Then, there are relationship matters where young people reaching puberty would try to make sense of where there hearts and emotions lead them to. What if someone could guide them or mentor them? What if questions themselves are more useful than answers? This is what this book is aimed at doing. Instead of trying to give or spoon-feed kids about what they need, let them discover for themselves. This book of questions fit in nicely because they are designed to prompt Millennials into active thinking. For many of them are often less open to people telling them what to do. They prefer to find their own answers. They simply need a guide by the side instead of sage on the stage. Paul Angone is that guide by the side. According to Angone, there are four major concerns about people in their twenties, and other age groups as well.

"The Joy of Letting Go" (Vicki Caruana)

TITLE: The Joy of Letting Go: Releasing Your Teen into Real Life in the Big World
AUTHOR: Vicki Caruana
PUBLISHER: Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook, 2017, (240 pages).

Letting go is hard. This is particularly so for parents who had spent so much time with their children. When they become teenagers, parents are trapped between continuing to provide for them and letting them exercise increasing levels of freedom. The world out there is tough. How can long parents truly shelter them? What if the teens act rashly as they venture beyond the comfort zones of home? Where is the balance if there is any? Knowing how difficult the whole process is, author and mother Vicki Caruana leads us through a year of disciplining ourselves in the process from anxiety to willingness and from hesitance to joy. The fifty-two devotions tackle a host of issues common to many parents. Parents go through emotional struggles like:

• When is it time to let go?
• What if the teens cannot handle the pressures of life?
• How should our parenting methods evolve?
• How can we prepare ourselves for the inevitable day?
• What about financial matters?
• How can parents inculcate financial responsibility and spiritual stewardship?
• What do we do with those moments when we start "missing" our children?
• ....

"More Than Words" (Erin Wathen)

TITLE: More than Words: 10 Values for the Modern Family
AUTHOR: Erin Wathen
PUBLISHER: Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2017, (176 pages).

What are family values? Before you attempt to answer that, think again. Is it a traditional or postmodern interpretation? Does it depend on which generation you come from? What kind of family are we talking about? These questions must be answered before we start talking about 'family values.' Our world has changed. With faith matters increasingly becoming politicized, even this popular phrase has become a battleground of opinions and political positions. Some would say that the traditional Christian interpretation is increasingly tainted with homophobia, misogyny, bigotry, and so on. Others lament that family has become meaningless in a relativistic world, absentee parents, and broken relationships. In a way, everybody have their own sense of ranking which value is more important. Behind this ranking belies a person's presupposition. So I decide to find out where this author is coming from. Concerned with how public opinion are increasingly negative about the phrase 'family values,' Erin Wathen begins with an attitude of understanding and learning. She writes:

"In this book, we’ll explore the language of a better way; a more life-giving way; a way that leaves room for creativity, for questions, for imperfection, and for a much broader view of what it means to be 'family.'"

"This Changes Everything" (Jaquelle Crowe)

TITLE: This Changes Everything: How the Gospel Transforms the Teen Years
AUTHOR: Jaquelle Crowe
PUBLISHER: Wheaton, IL: Crossway Publishers, 2017, (160 pages).

Very often, people would think that only bearded individuals with white hair are the authors who could come up with wise words and reliable reading. We might presume that only adults are qualified to talk about adult matters. For things of theology and Christian living, we might even reserve the domain for scholars, theologians, great preachers, or popular pastors. This is one reason why this book defies such old paradigms. Written by a gifted 19 year old girl who simply has this pure love for Jesus, this personal journal of Jaquelle Crowe makes it a refreshing contribution to the way God can work through all individuals, including teenagers. Writing with herself and the teen in mind, she focuses on eight core themes with regard to how the gospel can transform the teen years. In Identity, she reflects on the Apostle Paul's life changing transformation in which he treasures Christ; devalues everything else; having faith in Christ alone; knowing Jesus; willing to suffer for Him; and becoming like Jesus. The gospel changes her life through this identity in Christ. Live for Jesus. On Story, Crowe begins with a description of her first movie, starring herself! Gradually, she confesses that it is only significant when she sees it being connected to the larger story.

"Adoptive Youth Ministry" (Chap Clark)

TITLE: Adoptive Youth Ministry: Integrating Emerging Generations into the Family of Faith (Youth, Family, and Culture)
AUTHOR: Chap Clark
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2016, (400 pages).

What is adoption? What does "Adoptive Youth Ministry" mean? How is it different from conventional youth ministries? According to the editor of this book, to be adopted means becoming a full member of a nonbiological family. When applied to youth ministry, it means one, more, or even all of of the following "four foundational premises."

1. Recognizing that in every Church and organization, there are insiders as well as outsiders.
2. Reminding that we are adopted into God's family as a child with other children.
3. We are vulnerable but Jesus has his eyes on us.
4. That we as well as outsiders are called to the gathering.

Chap Clark, editor of this book of articles compiled from 20 different contributors says:

"Adoptive ministry is vital because we are witnessing the fact that in Christ God has invited those who 'believed in his name' to 'become children of God' (John 1:12). This is the message of the good news. Therefore our message—in our lifestyle, service, and word—is adoption."

"Twenty Things We'd Tell Our Twentysomething Selves" (Kelli and Peter Worrall)

TITLE: 20 Things We'd Tell Our Twentysomething Selves
AUTHOR: Kelli and Peter Worrall
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2015, (256 pages).

It used to be children following after their parents' footsteps. Not anymore. With wide options and plenty of choices, teenagers have a lot more opportunities to pursue other interests, careers, and lifestyle choices in our modern world. This "quarterlife crisis" can also cause the twentysomethings to feel various kinds of pressure and stress arising from career options and nagging questions of what to do with one's life. The central question in this book written by two Moody Bible school professors is: How do we make wise choices? Not making a choice is already a choice. Reflecting on their own growing up years, the authors realized from hindsight that in many of their life choices, they had left God out of the picture. When asked about what is the most important lesson they had learned, instead of coming up with one, they provided us with 20! Before that, the authors opened up their lives for readers. After a fascinating romance and marriage, their lives suffered many setbacks. Three years into their marriage, Peter's dad was diagnosed with cancer at 56 years old. Kelli's parents suffered from cerebral palsy which required lots of care. Kelli herself also suffered from two miscarriages. Their adoption process also did not go well. Wait time grew from two years to six. They lost $3000 to someone who ran away with the money. The blows kept coming. Both Kelli and Peter endured long periods of the dark valley which taught them many precious lessons. In twenty brief chapters, they list down the key lesson followed by an explanation why.

"Not Safe for Church" (F. Douglas Powe Jr. and Jasmine Rose Smothers)

TITLE: Not Safe for Church: Ten Commandments for Reaching New Generations
AUTHOR: F. Douglas Powe Jr. and Jasmine Rose Smothers
PUBLISHER: Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 2015, (144 pages).

For the early adopters, this book is a welcome challenge. For those used to keeping the status quo, this book is a wake up call to stand up and take action. For the rest of us who are neither of these groups, perhaps, the authors of this book can persuade us to join the brave and the bold to do battle with complacency and conceit within the Church. Written by F. Douglas Powe Jr. who is the James C. Logan Professor of Evangelism and Professor of Urban Ministry, Associate Director of Center for Missional Church at Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington D.C, and Jasmine Rose Smothers, Associate Director of Connectional Ministries within the United Methodist Church in Georgia, the book contains ten tips for churches to learn how to reach new generations now!

Beginning with a "minority report" that goes all the way back to the twelve spies asked to check out Canaan, the authors warn us not to become like the ten spies who filed a "majority report" out of fear and lack of faith. By refusing to go forth and enter the land, they failed to act in faith and in the process angered God. Although we do not live in Old Testament times, the principle remains the same. Are we going to remain in our comfort zones and delay obeying the Great Commission? Or are we going to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and the follow Christ in faith? The answer is clear. It is the latter and this book aims to push us even further with ten creative ventures to reach post civil-rights generations. The authors are primarily trying to motivate their congregations (mainly black) to think and act differently. The Ten Commandments in NSFC are:

1. Thou Shall Chill: What’s at Stake (Let It Go)
2. Thou Shall Not Front: Be Authentic
3. Thou Shall Not Trip: Discuss Taboo Subjects
4. Thou Shall Check Yourself before You Wreck Yourself: Provide Inclusive Worship and Bible Study
5. Thou Shall Learn How We Roll: Create New Entry Points
6. Thou Shall Watch the Throne: Rethink Leadership
7. Thou Shall Get Game: Engage Mission and Activism in Meaningful Ways
8. Thou Shall Not Deny My Swag: Hear New Insights
9. Thou Shall Sample: Bring Together the Old and New
10. Thou Shall Represent: The Future Is Now!

Just looking at the language used should remind readers that in order to appreciate the book, one needs to understand that it is written for people familiar with black culture. It can be rather educational for non-black people.  The "Ten Commandments" here have nothing to do with the biblical ten commandments. It is basically a list of ten things for leaders to take note of and to act now. What is helpful for me are the discussion questions at the end of each chapter that can be relevant to many churches. Complacency and a lack of connections at an intergenerational level are common concerns for all churches. Every generation will need to address their own challenges. This book helps kick start the process.

Rating: 3.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me courtesy of Abingdon Press and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

"Screens and Teens" (Kathy Koch)

TITLE: Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World
AUTHOR: Kathy Koch
PUBLISHER: Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2015, (256 pages).

Technology is everywhere. People are constantly connected whether they are traveling, in school, at work, in restaurants, or at home. Like it or not, it is a big part of our lives. From TV to the Internet, cellphones to tablets, wired computers to wireless mobile digital devices, people's lifestyles are increasingly defined and influenced by the technology at hand. How are we affected? What has technology got to do with our "core needs of security, identity, belonging, purpose, and competence?" Or is technology increasingly usurping the role of "parenting" us?

The key concern in this book is about how technology is influencing the beliefs and behaviours of teens, and how parents can connect with the young people. The author believes that the young feels the impact more, knowingly or unknowingly. The startling observation will grab some attention. Technology's strengths are "fast, cheap, effective, and cool. The same four factors are also technology's weaknesses. That is because technology itself is a poor substitute for people's basic needs of "security, identity, belonging, purpose, and competence." Biblical wisdom is our guide, that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.

"Teenagers Matter" (Mark Cannister)

TITLE: Teenagers Matter: Making Student Ministry a Priority in the Church (Youth, Family, and Culture)
AUTHOR: Mark Cannister
PUBLISHER: Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2014, (260 pages).

Is your Church average population getting older? Is there a decline in the number of teenagers or young people in your congregation? Have you ever wondered how on earth is your Church going to reach this particular age group more effectively and successfully? How has youth ministry changed over the years? These questions are dealt with ably by Gordon College Professor of Christian Ministries, Dr Mark Cannister. Also an elder and Sunday School teacher at Grace Chapel, Dr Cannister combines his formidable knowledge and experience with a deep love of people, and in this case, young people. He gives a breathtaking overview of youth ministry via four roughly sketched time-tested strategies.

1. Late 1800s: Clarity of Purpose
2. 1920s: Authentic Leadership
3. 1930s: Transformation of Lives
4. Post 1940s: Genuine Relationships

He proves the importance of "genuine relationships" through the breakfast meetings which had proven to be a hit among the teenager groups he led. Following this, he provides seven broad potentials when student ministry gets prioritized.

"Get Your Teenager Talking" (Jonathan McKee)

TITLE: Get Your Teenager Talking: Everything You Need to Spark Meaningful Conversations
AUTHOR: Jonathan McKee
PUBLISHER: Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers, (176 pages).

"How's your day today?"

If you get one word answers like, "Fine," "same-old," "whatever," or simply a shrug of "ok," you are probably dealing with a teenager. Indeed, getting this age group to talk is like opening clamshells. The default mode is shut. Only their peers can get them to open up. How then do parents and concerned adults connect with this group of people?

Even though parents and adults were once teenagers, it can be really difficult for intergenerational communications. Youth culture guru Jonathan McKee has put together five quick tips on how to get teenagers to open up, plus 180 examples called "conversation springboards." The five tips are:

1. Ask open ended questions
2. Avoid asking dull questions
3. Plan and think ahead
4. Use controversy
5. Observe first, speak later

These five tips are essential to avoid turning conversations into boring monologues into active dialogues. The rest of the book makes use of a combination of these five tips to help sustain a meaningful conversation with the teenager. Each "conversational springboard" begins with a spark of contemporary topic or interesting scenario. A few follow-up questions are quickly suggested to sustain the small flame of interest. Exceptionally brief and equipped with pithy statements, each springboard is easy to use and cleverly stirs anyone not just to respond but want to say something about it. Here are some notable springboards:

• Career guidance: "If you could have any occupation in the world, what would you want to do, and why?" (#17)
• Self-Esteem: "Name an Accomplishment you are most proud of." (#30)
• Family: "Who do you admire the most in our immediate family?" (#45)
• Companionship: "If you got lost in a foreign country for a few days, who would you want with you, and why?" (#53)
• Maturity: "Where do you realistically see yourself in ten years?" (#82)
• Knowledge/Reflection: "Of all the books you have read, what has been the most impactful?" (#85)
• Introspection: "Fast-forward thirty years. What is the best compliment someone could give you about your children?" (#137)
• ...

These and many more are essential tools to help spark meaningful conversations with teenagers. That said, it really takes someone who knows teenagers to come up with such a long list of ideas. At the same time, every teenager is unique, and uniquely different from one another. What works for one may not work for another. The key is that anyone using the book need to be as discerning as well. For example, the questions on cartoons may seem a little childish. The one about books may not appeal to those who do not like to read. The one on remembering a deceased may come across as too painful. Thus, having the book alone does not mean one has all the answers. Discernment and care need to be used to ensure that we be sensitive to the feelings of teenagers.

Perhaps, for parents who are exasperated about their clammed-up teenager, as long as one springboard question can begin the conversation, the book would have worth every cent. Those working or are interested in all things youth will certainly benefit from this book.

Rating: 4.24 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me courtesy of Bethany House Publishers and Graf-Martin Communications in exchange for an honest review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

"Modern Parents, Vintage Values"

TITLE: Modern Parents, Vintage Values: Instilling Character in Today's Kids [Paperback]
AUTHOR: Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff
PUBLISHER: Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing, 2010, (256 pages).

This book is written for parents to guide children in a digital age. Ever feel like a parent feeling increasingly analog in a growing digital world? Ever feel hopeless about technology leaving you behind? What about the modern addictions, the fears of growing up in an adult world, the dangers of entitlement, and many more? Trevathan and Goff brings together a whole list of relevant modern issues that young children face. They explain clearly the six technological issues (cell phones, gaming, Internet, social media, chat, online communications), the need to move from entitlement to gratitude, the instilling of respect to learn to treat others the way we like to be treated ourselves, addictions (alcohol, drugs, sex, eating disorders, self-harm), emotions (anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, high stress, anger), and many more. Each issue comes with a list of do's and don'ts for parents, complete with a delightful "Sunday Drive" activities that the whole family can participate in.

Part Two goes into "Vintage Values" where the virtues are defined, exemplified, understood, and practiced. The nine virtues are kindness, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, integrity, responsibility, patience, confidence, and manners. There is also an accompanying "Sunday Drive" on how to incorporate these values into the lives of the whole family. There is a helpful section with each chapter that deals specifically with obstacles surrounding the teaching of such values. This is important because very often, the virtues are a no-brainer, but the practice of it seems most challenging to implement.What is also helpful is the specific instructions given not just to parents, but also to children, teenagers, and older adults.

Part Three covers "timeless truths." In "Take Heart," the authors begin to summarize the impact of the book they have written thus far, even self-convicting. They urge readers to look at their own lives as well as they stuff they accumulate. In other words, they remind us that kids are watching not just what we say but how  we behave.  In "Have Life," parents are urged to carve out time to be alone themselves. Parenting is hard work, but not always all the work. "Seek hope" is a reminder that hope does not disappoint, for God wants the best for us and for our children. Finally, "Give Love" encourages us not just to give and give, but to love unconditionally, love continually, and to love extravagantly.

My Thoughts

Will character be instilled just by the reading of this book? Maybe. What if the book is put into practice? Possibly. What if the book is prayed and practiced? Most definitely. Parenting is a strange thing. We can try our best, and sometimes it works, other times it does not work. Children grows all the time. Adults too. Parenting techniques have to keep up with the different phases of growth. Parenting is challenging. It is always heart-breaking at times. Yet, I am reminded too, that it is better to have tried and failed, than not to try at all. Trevathan and Goff has given us a really helpful manual for parenting children in a modern world. They have brought into focus very important timeless values. At the same time, they have incorporated hope using biblical ideas to help us to achieve that.

I like this book for its clarity and a no-holds barred addressing the challenging issues of our time. Though the peripheral package of issues are changing, (like technology, types of addictions, external devices, etc), the core behavioural matters are similar. The values and the virtues of good faith have to be inculcated and taught rather than assumed. This book enables parents to do just that. Perhaps, the authors will also prepare a supplement for this book, like a teen version. That will enable both parents and children to read and to understand the issues on the same page. If the book can cause parents and children to start talking, that is already worth the price of the book.

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me free by B&H Publishing and NetGalley without any obligation for a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

"Hope for Parents of Troubled Teens" (Connie Rae)

TITLE: Hope for Parents of Troubled Teens
AUTHOR: Connie Rae
PUBLISHER: Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers, 2012, (227 pages).

This book gives excellent practical tips on a wide range of issues. It aims to bring hope and healing to families struggling with bringing up their children who are moving from adolescence to adulthood. It is common knowledge that parenting teens can be challenging. Instead of approaching the book on the perspectives of why teenagers are treating their parents this/that way, the book focuses on this main question:

"How can I help this child find his/her way?"

This question defines the overall mood of the book. Redemptive. Re-conciliatory. Rewarding. In twelve chapters, the author deals with acknowledging the children for who they are, their idiosyncrasies, the stages of the children's growth, husband/wives and parent/child differences, knowing our teens and our relationship with God, sex matters, peer pressure, communications, rebellion, drugs, and many more. Every chapter contains good practical advice that is not only clear but highly applicable. Even the most difficult issues are not sidelined. Instead, the author writes with understanding and with intentionality.

I appreciate the way the author patiently deals with the 'getting to know your adolescent' through 8 tasks. She then anchors the entire relationship with a nice analogy of how God, parents, and children are positioned. Using the example of Archer-Bow-Arrow, God is like the Archer who determines the direction, the purpose, the strength, and the timing of the activity. The parents help to support the bow by creating an optimal environment for the children to flourish. The children are like the arrows. This reminds me of Ps 127:4 about the joy of having many children like a man with arrows in his hands.

Packed with lots of good tips and parenting advice, this book provides lots of references to the many counseling materials, quips, and wisdom. Most importantly, the ideas in the book are not only enjoyable to read, they are doable. Each chapter ends with some doable activities and a prayer for God to help one accomplish the challenging tasks ahead. The ten guidelines for tackling rebellious behavior is certainly worth the price of the book.

I highly recommend this book for anyone, not just parents. This is because any challenges with teenagers are not limited to parents. Teachers, friends of parents with teens, counselors, pastors, teachers, and students all have something to learn from in this book.

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book is provided to me free by Bethany House Publishers without any obligation for a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.