"Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior" (Sarah R. Moore)

TITLE: Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior
AUTHOR: Sarah R. Moore
PUBLISHER: St Paul's, MN: Beaver's Pond Press, 2022, (292 pages).
 

Taking care of children is challenging. Disciplining them is even harder. For some, it is utterly impossible. Ask any parent and they will quickly tell you about their agonizing stories. For many parents, this will be unsurprisingly familiar, especially when children misbehave or refuse to follow simple instructions. While many in the East will not hesitate to use spanking or some form of physical punishment to instill proper discipline, many of their counterparts in the West prefer the use of verbal and firm instructions. Somehow, the latter might admit privately how they wish they could "hammer" their kids when they are at their wits' end. Author Sarah Moore confesses how her anger had taught her to be gentle, which provides the starting point for this very book: Using non-physical strategies to inculcate better behavior. She calls this process "Peaceful Discipline." Interestingly, her anger rose not from her own kids but from her pediatrician! Rather than to let anger wear her down, she decides to channel this into learning moments. That is her basis for "story teaching" that helps children do four things: Observe, Listen, Research, and Try. She shares about the common storytelling strategies adopted in many cultures around the world. The reason why such strategies work is simply because it is how human beings learn and behave. She takes an additional step to assert how story-teaching is different from story-telling. The former is preventative (preparing), in the moment (grounding), and restorative (redeeming). 

She covers the emotional coaching that includes how we use stories to deal with emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, surprise. She uses many examples and illustrations to describe the problem and prescribe how these strategies work. Common issues involve:

• Dealing with temptation to judge other parents' parenting methods
• Worry about one's child development
• Managing our desire to fix things
• Addressing problem behaviour in the moment
• Instead of "calm-down corners" that send kids away, try bonding and connection
• Learning to deal with attention-seeking behaviours
• How to arrive at a win-win scenario
• Using the HUG (Hold-back, Understand, and Grace) method to deal with any forms of panic
• ....

Part Three of the book gives us the steps to practice peaceful discipline. The rest of the book covers practical resources, tips, and more stories. 

My Thoughts
Books on parenting are a dime a dozen. In this day and age, not only are books dealing with conventional parenting issues, they also have to grapple with the challenges of a digital age. As culture changes, so does parenting strategies. While many parenting resources deal with techniques, not many talk about the emotional management needed for both parents and child. The author makes several unique contributions to the parenting curriculum. 

First, Moore takes story-telling to a new level. From implicit learning via story-telling, she makes the learning experience more explicit by combining stories with teachable moments. In particular, she focuses on three aspects of such moments: Preventative before it happens, "In the Moment" when it happens, and Restorative, after it happens. In other words, stories can be used at any moment of time and the parent need to be conscious about it. Moreover, the use of stories can be disarming and deeply enlightening. Take something good and make it better. That is what Moore has done or tried to do.

Second, I appreciate the way Moore spends time describing the steps and strategies for each situation. By combining the best use of theory, science, and practical moments, she makes this book not only readable but doable. Writing as a parent, she knows the unique challenges in bringing up children. The gist of each strategy is to ask: "What does it take to resolve the situation peacefully?" I like the part about family stories, something which should be used in every family situation. It is also a quick reminder about how much time we have spent together as a family. Absentee parents would find it a challenge to even recall the number of such moments. Perhaps, this book might make them reflect on their own lifestyles and make positive changes. It is never too late to restore family togetherness.

Third, I ask myself how useful is this book to a busy parent. For the modern parent, science is increasingly a big part of how we live. I believe the science behind some of the methods proposed should pique the curiosity of the busy parent. Together with the stories and illustrations behind each of the methods, the busy parent can zoom into portions that are relevant to their needs. That said, having a story to tell is one thing. How and when we tell the stories is yet another. This calls for discernment and wisdom, something that busy parents will not have if they are distracted by their busy activities. That is why busy parents need to take stock of their own busyness and to settle in to a "peaceful discipline" routine themselves before they can maximize the impact from this book. For that reason, busy parents will have to ask themselves how willing they are to change. Quality time needs quantity time. 

Spend some time reading and reflecting on the content of this book and watch our parenting skills and our parenting emotions change for the better.

Sarah R. Moore is the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting, an author, speaker, armchair neuroscientist, & most importantly, a Mama. She's a lifelong learner with training in child development, trauma recovery, interpersonal neurobiology & improv comedy. As a certified Master Trainer in conscious parenting, she helps bring JOY, EASE & CONNECTION back to families around the globe. Her heart's desire is to bring peace and healing to the world through loving and respectful parenting.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of Beaver's Pond Press and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.