"Mind Your Manners" (Sara Jane HO)

TITLE: Mind Your Manners: How to Be Your Best Self in Any Situation
AUTHOR: Sara Jane HO
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: Hachette Books, 2024, (304 pages).
 

Human beings are social creatures. Even for the most individualistic person, one cannot avoid interacting with another person, unless one lives as a hermit in some secluded part of the world. In general, we all need to learn some forms of social behavior and etiquette.  This is necessary for society to function well, and it is applicable for both children and adults. Unfortunately, schools do not often teach such stuff. Those that do often cover them at a superficial level. Etiquette is about connection, says author Sara Jane Ho, a vocal advocate for meaningful social communications in various settings. It is also contextual, meaning we need to adapt our understanding and practice of etiquette based on the geographical locations. In our globalized interconnected world, we also need to expand that to cultural settings. Popularized by a Netflix series with the same name as the book's title, this book is a print version of the streaming platform. In meaningful etiquette, we need "social fluency" which is essentially about reading people quickly and accurately as well as interacting with them confidently and effectively. Mindful of the growing mental health concerns globally, she helps us remember that therapy alone cannot solve issues related to social awkwardness. In a post-pandemic world, some might even need to relearn "social fluency" to help us relate to people. She guides us through five major categories of everyday life:

1. Social Life & Friendships
2. Work
3. Dating & Relationships
4. Family
5. Food & Travel

She teaches us about conversational starters, making a first impression, continuing or courteous breakaways, and even various forms of "non-sexual flirting." She shares advice about getting a job, what to do in a job interview, how to write resumes, and growing in career-building soft skills. On Dating and Relationships, she shares witty tips on communication, observing boundaries, and a list of FAQs on dating and love. On Family, she stresses the importance of cultivating ties, dealing with sibling rivalries, managing money requests, parenting, learning how to say no graciously, and also dealing with in-laws, especially mother-in-laws. Finally, she shows us some valuable lessons on table manners and cultural awareness. For those who enjoy traveling, the chapter on traveling etiquette is a must-read. 

My Thoughts

I remember a popular book back in the 80s entitled: "What They Don't Teach You at Harvard Business School." It describes some of the necessary entrepreneurial life skills that even famous schools like Harvard do not teach. This book continues that tradition to teach us some essential social etiquette for life. In fact, there are five separate categories of etiquette that readers can learn of. These five categories comprise the majority of daily activities during our waking hours. I call it the five essential stones of social etiquette. Not afraid to use her own life experiences to illustrate her points, Ho comes across as an authentic guide to encourage us to do the same. After all, if we want honest interactions, we need to be honest as well. Let me share three thoughts about this book.

First, it contains lots of wise and witty tips for life. What we often call common sense might not be so common for some people. For many, it takes a lot of years and embarrassing mistakes to learn these things. Thankfully, Ho has not only described for us some basic etiquette to observe, she shows us why we need them. Soft skills are often learned the hard way or through the school of hard knocks. Some of the things Ho writes about can easily stir up memories of any of our clumsy efforts in the past. One of the most useful parts of this book is the interaction between East and West. Though Ho's background is from the East, she has decent experiences in the West which makes her a pretty credible etiquette mentor. Those who share her background would nod frequently with many of her observations about Asian culture. Those who are non-Asians might struggle a little to understand where she is coming from. As long as such readers maintain an open mind, this book could be a useful cultural eye opener. 

Second, I appreciate the way Ho infuses the need for digital awareness. As more people spend their lives online on a daily basis, we need guidance on how to interact in a digital world. New realities require new paradigms for engagement. One example is how to deal with interviewers who ask us whether we have any questions. In the past, most questions about the company can only be found by asking those who worked there. Nowadays, with so much information freely shared on the Internet, we need to do extra homework to find out what is obvious and what is not. Every category has a section on digital engagement. From using social media to digital work-from-home etiquette, actual dating to online matching, Ho has it well covered. Some other useful tips include food photographs, travel moments, and also dealing with conspiracy theories!

Finally, I want to caution readers about wearing any premature sense of confidence after reading this book. Even though many of the things talked about in this book are practical stuff, it takes practice in order to live them out. More importantly, humility must remain in the forefront of any etiquette. With humility, things done right lead to appreciation while any fumbles could more easily be forgiven. One of the most important reminders in this book is that etiquette is not just about us. It is about putting others at ease. Humility could ease us into that. 

How do I find this book? Useful and highly appropriate for building first impressions. Everyone should read this book. Even if one does not agree with Ho's point of view, at least, the topic can become interesting discussions.

Sara Jane Ho is the founder of China's first etiquette school Institute Sarita and host of the Daytime Emmy-nominated Netflix series Mind Your Manners. A cultural polyglot who speaks German, French, Mandarin, and Cantonese in addition to English, she lived in Papua New Guinea, the UK, and Hong Kong before moving to the US to attend Phillips Exeter, Georgetown, and Harvard Business School. Her surprisingly down-to-earth demeanor and genuine passion and gift for helping others transform their lives cemented the success of her feel-good makeover show, and her book carries her deeper, more expansive definition of etiquette to a global audience. Sara Jane divides her time between Shanghai, Hong Kong, New York, and London. 

Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of Hachette Books via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.