"Talking with Teens About Sexuality" (Beth Robinson, EdD; and Latayne C. Scott PhD)

TITLE: Talking with Teens about Sexuality
AUTHOR: Beth Robinson, EdD; and Latayne C. Scott PhD
PUBLISHER: Bloomington, MN: Bethany House Publishers, 2021, (208 pages).

Living with Teenagers can be quite an enriching experience, educational too. Not just for teenagers but more so for parents. When asked about what their parents needed to know about "teens and sex," a group of teenagers quickly replied: "Everything!" Indeed, there are many, if not everything, that parents need to know in order to relate to their growing child at an impressionable age. The curious thing is this: Parents have also gone through their respective teen phase. What else do they need to learn? It's the "other" perspective. It is one thing to experience the growing-up phase. It is yet another to be on the receiving side of teenager communications. So for many "clueless" parents, they need help, and they need it badly. For the contexts have changed drastically over the years. Compared to many parents' generation, today's kids have smartphones and ready connectivity to the Internet. Many of them are digital natives. They are also becoming immersed in a liberal culture that challenges many traditions of the past. What was taboo then is acceptable now. What seems reprehensible yesterday is embraced openly today. This is particularly true in the area of sexuality, something that teens battle with as they grapple with raging hormonal changes. The authors list some questions to show us the range of issues with regard to sexuality:

1. What does the Bible teach about sex in the context of a marriage relationship?
2. What guidelines does the Bible provide for helping teens set physical and sexual boundaries when they are dating?
3. What does the Bible teach about masturbation?
4. What does the Bible teach about abortion?
5. What does the Bible teach about sex outside of marriage?
6. What does the Bible teach about homosexuality?
7. What does the Bible teach about rape and incest?
8. What does the Bible teach about pornography?
9. What does the Bible teach about gender Fluidity?

Authors Beth Robinson and Latayne C Scott deal with all of the above and more. Beginning with God's Plan for Sex, they set forth the biblical foundations for discussing matters of sexuality. That God is the ultimate Parent of the world. That we are human and God invented sex. They show us the biblical reasons for sexuality, and that sexual pleasure within a marriage is beautiful. Sin has tarnished the nature of what it means to be human and thus affected our understanding of sex. They move on to the physiological component expressed through the five areas: physical, emotional, social, intellectual, and moral/spiritual. They talk about the emotional and relational components to show us not only our strengths but also our vulnerabilities. They demonstrate how to deal with barriers to any dialogue by helping us distinguish myths from realities. They also give tips on modifying the way we ask questions. One tip is to move away from telling them what to do toward trying to understand where they are coming from. Any expressions of judgmentalism will be an automatic turnoff. They also help us expand our understanding of intimacy beyond mere sex, such as emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy. Sometimes, parents need to be humble to recognize that their teens are more mature in their thoughts than they might conceive. Gradually, we move on to some of the more contemporary issues such as sexual abuse, violence, social media, technology, and other forms of sexuality like gender orientations. These are increasingly complex issues that this generation of teenagers face. When teens become victims of abuse, even rape, it can be traumatic and difficult to share with family members. Sometimes, it can be self-inflicted guilt or some presumption that nobody could ever understand what they are going through. These are real emotional and psychological barriers that need to be taken seriously. 

My Thoughts

Sex is sacred, not secret. Unfortunately, sin can often trick one into shrouding questions of sexuality away from their loved ones. Communications remain key, and bidirectional types are best. Parents need to do more listening and less judging. Knowing when to speak up and when to empathize are two of the most powerful things parents could do. Unfortunately, many parents are unable to discern how to do that with their own teenagers. That is why this book is such a helpful resource for parents to understand the world that their teens are going through. It is not easy. However, difficult does not mean impossible. Through understanding the contexts of today, with biblical wisdom to guide us, Robinson and Scott have given us a guide to ask appropriate questions and to give counsel where necessary. There is a need to be open about such topics because teenagers today have been well exposed to so many of these worldly influences and secular interpretations of what sexuality is. We need to counter the false teachings with biblical truth. For teens, it is not just the what and the why but more of the how. Sections on "What Can a Parent Do?" would give parents a way to jump-start conversations about such a sensitive topic. The aim is not to force one's views across, no matter how biblical it is. It is to build bridges of relationships and understanding. As long as the bridge is there, parents should not be afraid when kids do not buy their views initially. At least, let the teens know that parents will always be open for an honest conversation, always.

There seems to be a need for books about sexuality to keep up with changing times, more so in this Internet generation. While in the past generations, people deal with issues of Boy-Girl Relationships, dating, porn magazines, purity, premarital sex, dating, or even kissing, nowadays, many of these are considered mild in comparison. Given the nature of the Internet, parents might need to update themselves with what their own teens are going through. This does not mean stalking their teens. It simply means trying to understand the lingo, the reasons why teens flock to certain social media platforms, and also to know how to pray for them. A loving parent will always keep their doors open for their kids to talk to them. The goal of this book is about talking to teens about sexuality. I believe there is a deeper purpose. It is to learn the art of connecting with our teens, and our teens with us in a mature relationship. So, from this point of view, this book is basically a way to begin a brand new channel of communications not only about sexual matters but for any other issues. A bridge is not just a way to travel from one place to another. It is about a human infrastructure for lasting relationships. 

Beth Robinson, EdD, is a licensed professional counselor and approved supervisor for licensed professional counselors. She is also a certified school counselor and has a teaching certificate; she is a frequent expert witness in legal proceedings involving sexual abuse. Dr. Robinson and her family live in Lubbock, Texas.

Latayne C. Scott is an award-winning veteran of the Christian publishing industry and has written more than two dozen books. She has a PhD in biblical studies and lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

conrade

---

This book has been provided courtesy of Bethany House Publishers and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.