"Parenting Generation Screen" (Jonathan McKee)

TITLE: Parenting Generation Screen: Guiding Your Kids to Be Wise in a Digital World
AUTHOR: Jonathan McKee
PUBLISHER: Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2021, (208 pages).

Did you know that 10 is the average age a kid gets a phone in America? Did you know that the most common reason why parents give kids a smartphone so early is to anticipate emergencies? By the time a kid turns 13, nearly three-quarters of his contemporaries would already have a phone with a screen. How do you parent a young child in a smartphone era? Experts have said that parents ought to wait until kids are older and more mature before giving them the phones. Many caved in to their children's pleas while others simply do not know how to respond to the demand tsunami. Sadly, this has led to uncontrolled and unlimited use of the smartphones by children totally oblivious to the dangers of the Internet. So the key question for parents is this: What are we going to do? Author Jonathan McKee begins by cautioning us not to look for quick fixes. Instead, develop a connection with our kids before correction. Love needs to come before limits; bonding before boundaries; and communication before commandments. Urging us to pause before confiscating the devices, begin with conversation with our kids. That means learning not just to express our concerns but also to understand what our kids are going through. Then there is the question of what age is best to give our kids smartphones. With peer pressure and the torrent of requests, parents will find it increasingly difficult to deny this request. Plus, screen gadgets nowadays are everywhere. They are in computers, laptops, tablets, small gadgets, TV screens, and even in vehicles! If we say no to one, how do we consistently maintain our stance for the others? Perhaps, it is more important to show kids the reasons and the thinking process instead of plainly a yes or a no answer. We have heard scientific evidence about kids staying up late at night and how screens stimulate their brain activity. This in turn affects our children's mental health and sleep patterns which could lead to depression and emotional problems. Then there is social media and the seductive attraction to fame, game, and all kinds of exposure, including illicit ones. 

A key emphasis McKee makes is about engaging our kids more actively. Like watching music videos together and discussing the content by asking simple questions like: 

• What do you like about this video?
• Do you feel like what the singer is feeling?
• Do you know of anyone who struggles like that singer?
• What did the people in the video do?
• ...

Instead of simply denying our kids the use of the screens, why not give them guidelines on how to use them. This is an important point because very often, adults fail to equip children with the ability to make wise choices. By presenting the challenges of the new technologies as opportunities for teaching, we can update our parenting beyond mere command and obey. Whether it is about discussing content, establishing limits, or explaining the risks, if the conversations are discussed together, it helps kids learn not just making wise choices, but also cultivate a sense of responsibility as well. McKee gives us tips on screen limits for different ages, which should become a useful guide for parents needing help in this area. At the end of it all, it really boils down to how well we know our kids. Many other issues are also covered, such as Internet predators, cyber bullying, sex trafficking, ransom situations, etc.

My Thoughts

Parenting has become much more complex and challenging in a ubiquitous screen age. We can protect them initially but once they reach a certain age, they will not only test our limits and patience, they rebel. For this and many more, McKee has some great advice for us. By urging parents toward connection with their kids before correction, we learn to empathize with what our children are going through. For instance, peer pressure is that age-old challenge faced by parents. In an age of screens and social media, this is only going to increase in intensity and spread. There are three takeaways from this book. First, don't just see the problems but embrace the opportunity. By turning the problem of screens into an opportunity to connect and to grow in understanding our children. Assuming parents are Internet immigrants dealing with children who are Internet natives, it is important that parents are constantly learning about the changes happening in our society. Our children can only live in our security cocoon for so long. Once they begin to mingle with friends with different levels of screen freedom, they will begin to question us and our rules. Even as we try to school our children, parents first need to be schooled or re-schooled. That means the learning needs to begin with parents, guardians, teachers, or whoever in a position of caring for the young ones. Children are very perceptive. They can smell pride, arrogance, and hypocrisy from a distance. If they could see genuine care and humility in parents, they will be more open to correction, once the communications channels are there. See every opportunity as a bridge building opportunity. 

Second, whatever it is, remember the relationship. The crux of learning to connect prior to correct is about protecting and preserving that relationship. Far too many parents complain about how aloof their teens or rebellious their children are, without properly understanding the changes happening within their minds and hearts. While parents are justifiably doing what they can to protect their loved ones, sometimes kids do not understand what the fuss is all about. This calls for careful and consistent assurance toward our children that we love them and we care about them. There is a time to hang on and a time to let go. Discerning how best to go about doing them is wisdom in action. Throughout the book, McKee reminds us to stay engaged with our kids and to stay abreast about changes happening around us and inside our homes. Sometimes, parents can be so busy with their own activities that they fail to put enough time in recognizing the factors that impact their children's mental health. Busy working parents often delegate parenting to YouTube videos or turning the tablets into an electronic baby-sitter. Thankfully, this book gives us more ideas about how to relate to our children.

Finally, parents must stay updated. I think books like this are increasingly needed as our technologies continue to advance. Some decades ago, our concern was about TV influences, and after successful lobbying, the film industry has labeled movies according to the PG, R, NR, or X-rating. Then comes the wired Internet and one of the ways parents adapt was to plug or unplug the Internet cables. These measures soon become outdated once society enters the wireless age, which surmount the limits of walls and wires. With competitive pricing, many families are starting to jump on the unlimited home internet bandwagon. Streaming has replaced regular TV watching, replacing the traditional prime-time TV programming that could bring a family closer together. With everyone in the household having their own devices and their own rooms, it is becoming a challenge to find a time for any family to gather together and watch or discuss a movie at home. 

Thanks to McKee, we have a resource that not only bucks the trend but provides for us a way to reconnect with our children.

Jonathan McKee is the author of over 25 books including the best seller, "The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket." An expert on youth culture, Jonathan speaks to parents and leaders worldwide. You can read more from Jonathan on his website BecomingScreenWise.com 

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of Tyndale House Publishers and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.