"The Path Out of Loneliness" (Dr. Mark Mayfield)

TITLE: The Path out of Loneliness: Finding and Fostering Connection to God, Ourselves, and One Another
AUTHOR: Dr. Mark Mayfield
PUBLISHER: Colorado, CO: Tyndale House Publishers, 2021, (208 pages).

Many people in the world are concerned about the pandemic. Rightly so. We should all do our part in ensuring that we get through this Covid-19 crisis together safely. Amid all the buzz and drama surrounding the variants and concerns over lockdowns, there is one danger lurking in the dark. Loneliness. The Bible has said right from the onset that it is not good for man to be alone. That can be applied to the entire human race, not just Adam. We are not created to live by ourselves or to be lonely. As social creatures, we need to be in a community of relationships. When we are lonely, we are disconnected from the rest of society. We feel unloved. With technology, things have gotten much worse. Even during opportunities where people can enjoy a sit-down meal at a restaurant have been dumbed down with individuals so absorbed in their own little phone devices that they are totally disengaged from the people near them. As some experts have said, we are indeed living in a loneliest generation. Technology is not the cause. It reveals at best or accelerates at worse the crisis we are all facing. Is this a factor in our society's deteriorating mental health? What about addiction and all the social ills around us? Depression and anxiety? Author Mark Mayfield gives us this warning: "We are relational beings who need eye-to-eye, face-to-face contact and proximity on a regular basis. As a society, we are operating out of significant deficits." We need a way out of this loneliness quagmire, lest we sink further into the soggy bog. Written in three parts, Part One describes the problem for us to realize the depth and breadth of the loneliness epidemic. Even for those in denial, the symptoms of loneliness are everywhere. People are increasingly disconnected. They don't have friends they could trust. They feel that no one understands them. The meaning of humanity is not about scientific discoveries, problem-solving, or technological marvels. It boils down to the need for relationships, connection, and human fellowship. Loneliness rises when we are deprived of these crucial connections. Mayfield defines loneliness as "The state of being unseen or unnoticed relationally, mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually. It can be driven by lack of purpose or meaning, relationship, and/or identity and is marked by a deep sense of hopelessness." He goes on to point out the personal cost of loneliness, how it impacts not just the emotional but also mental, physical, and spiritual dimensions. He supports his conclusions with research studies and his clinical experiences. From the personal realm, he moves on toward the larger society, observing how the struggle for success, technology, and tribalism worsens the problem. The issue of tribalism is an interesting blind spot among many of us because it is so culturally ingrained that we often miss it totally. 

Part Two brings us back to the original design of God for us, that we are not created to be alone. He points us back to the word of God in Genesis, showing us God's initial intent was supplanted by human rebellion. Together with the biblical call for us to return to God's original design, Mayfield also points out the dangers of any delay to re-engage with God's plan. This is not just a spiritual call. It has scientific evidence to show that our brains will deteriorate even more if loneliness is allowed to linger within us. 

Part Three points the way forward with several practical solutions. Solutions that do not stop with us getting some kind of a life partner or a one-time relationship. They include diligent initiatives to be a part of a community and to create one that is inviting of others as well. Beginning with the biblical commandment to love one another, we ought to avoid delegating the task of addressing loneliness to so-called professionals. After all, even professionals can often be lonely too! Individually, we ought to see loneliness as an opportunity to grow and to do something about it. Communally, we all are called to care and to share with one another according to what one another needs. Mayfield provides six practical postures for us to adopt. 

My Thoughts
Loneliness is an epidemic that is threatening to derail human relationships. Rather than denial, our response ought to be vulnerable recognition that we need help and to go to God for guidance. We will then realize that God's Word will lead us toward the greatest commandment to love one another. Anchored on biblical truth and spiritual wisdom, this book shows us a path out of loneliness. Each of his six suggested postures could kick-start our journey out of the loneliness quagmire. As we preach the good news, we carve out opportunities to relate to people. As we extend our hand of care to heal the brokenhearted, we open up opportunities for people to sense the love of God through us. We proclaim truth, opposed to a world that has been desensitized to lies and falsehood. In doing so, we learn to be vulnerable and open, to invite people in and show that it is safe to share. As the Bible has taught us, we are also called to comfort those who need come comfort, mourn with those who mourn, and basically respond in kind in order to help another fellow sojourner. We grow not out of ourselves but by helping others to grow. In doing so, we fulfill the will of God as in Galatians 6:2 "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

We live in uncertain times. As the pandemic continues to take hold of world concerns, many people will be thrust back into periods of lockdowns and fears of new threats to our well-being. This need not be so. We can also remember that modern tools like technology and social media can also be used to cultivate some form of togetherness. As long as the heart is open and willing to be used by God, I believe that the path out of loneliness will not be the only objective. That path should be connected to an even more important path: The way to God. That should spur us on toward good deeds and encouragement, even as we see the Day of the Lord approaching.

This book is a powerful reminder that we need God and we need one another. 

Dr. Mark Mayfield is a former pastor, a licensed professional counselor (LPC), a board-certified counselor, and founder and CEO of Mayfield Counseling Centers. He has more than 14 years of professional counseling experience in clinical, judicial, and faith-based counseling settings across a wide range of patient demographics.

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of Tyndale House Publishers, NavPress, and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.