"Listening Well" (Heather Morris)

TITLE: Listening Well: Bringing Stories of Hope to Life
AUTHOR: Heather Morris
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: St Martin's Press, 2022, (320 pages).
 

Do not even try to judge until one has walked a mile in someone else's shoes. This message rings throughout this book that urges us to listen before we speak. As we deal with the pandemic that has crippled much of the world, we need to reset our expectations and adjust to a new world. This makes the message of learning to walk in another person's shoes even louder. Author Heather Morris is a sharp observer of cultural changes happening during this time. She shares with us stories of hope that could only be understood if we care enough to listen and learn. Perhaps, even as Covid-19 continues to ravage the world's economy and stifle human relationships, we could still consolidate our resources and begin the process of rebuilding. Rather than pretend we have all the answers, why not ask questions on how people are doing? Instead of presuming what we need, why not listen carefully to the voices that are largely muted for whatever reason? Listening is an art that needs to be learned and cultivated over time. Not only that, we could learn many things from people of all ages. We can listen to the elders, children, peers, adults, and even ourselves. In listening to elders, Morris takes us back to her time with her own grandparents and great-grandparents, learning about the war and also about the need to talk less and listen more. She learns from a 92-year-old Holocaust survivor who shared the guilt of those who made it out alive. She even shares tips on how to listen well to those suffering from old-age diseases such as Alzheimer's or dementia. She then gives us some background to how she gets inspired to write her bestselling book, "The Tattooist of Auschwitz." By listening to an 87-year-old elderly named Lale Sokolov, she tells the story of the great escape and the powerful impact of stories told from one generation to another. Morris then takes pauses to show readers some listening skills. We must beware not to listen in order to reply. Instead, we should be silent in order to understand. Adopt active listening such as concentration and attentiveness without judgment or offering opinions. This is particularly hard for societies where people feel entitled to their own opinions. She reminds us of the importance of listening to our children when they are small, lest they feel they should not listen to us when they are adults. Included in the book is a chapter on listening to ourselves. This might seem strange for some people. Failing to do so would lead to self-doubt, self-blame, and eventually shame. She shares the story of her brother Ian, of how he unwittingly signed on with the Royal New Zealand Navy when he was a minor, only to seek a discharge when he became an adult. Lesson? Trust our instincts, but only if we have listened to ourselves clearly. Morris ends the book with a startling chapter on the cost of listening, especially from people who had personally experienced trauma.

My Thoughts
For many people, listening seems to be a no-brainer. After all, what is so difficult about hearing things? The truth is, listening needs to be intentional and cultivated over time. Here, Morris shows us many angles of listening. We listen to our elders to learn about the stories we never get to experience. We listen to our children in order to plant the seed of trust in them. We listen to ourselves so that we don't make decisions that we regret later. There are also many rewards to good listening. We can learn to craft a narrative of hope as we join the dots of the stories we hear. If we listen well, we will have a more accurate recollection of the past in order to create a narrative of hope. Not only that, we show respect to the people who are sharing their lives with us. History is an important educator for the young. We all need to learn to listen well, and this book is a useful resource to help us do just that.

Why should anyone read this book? Let me offer three reasons. First, we all are born with two ears and one mouth. Do the Math and remember that we ought to listen doubly hard before speaking. The Bible too has taught us that each of us should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. A listening stance is the first thing we ought to adopt because we are created to do just that. If we fail to listen, how then are we going to gather the tools of crafting a new narrative? Second, good listening leads to good relating. When a friend shares something, earnest listening is a mark of respect. It is a demonstration of love. Just try that out on ourselves. If we speak to someone who is distracted, will we continue to share? Chances are, we will stop talking altogether and walk away. Anyone desiring to build good relationships needs to learn to listen well. This applies to all relationships from parent-child communications, marriages, and other social interactions. Listening well is loving well. Finally, make use of the tips at the end of each chapter in the book. These tips come from the library of the author's knowledge and experience. I see these tips as generous gifts Morris has given to readers. If there is anything that is worth the price of this book, it would be those tips to help us become better listeners and perhaps, better storytellers. 

Heather Morris is a native of New Zealand, now a resident in Australia. For several years, while working in a large public hospital in Melbourne, she studied and wrote screenplays, one of which was optioned by an Academy Award-winning screenwriter in the US. In 2003, Heather was introduced to an elderly gentleman who ‘might just have a story worth telling’. The day she met Lale Sokolov changed both their lives. Their friendship grew and Lale embarked on a journey of self-scrutiny, entrusting the innermost details of his life during the Holocaust to her. Heather originally wrote Lale’s story as a screenplay – which ranked high in international competitions – before reshaping it into her debut novel, The Tattooist of Auschwitz.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of St Martin's Press and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.