"Wounded Pastors" (Carol Howard Merritt and James Fenimore)

TITLE: Wounded Pastors: Navigating Burnout, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry
AUTHOR: Carol Howard Merritt and James Fenimore
PUBLISHER: Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2024, (190 pages).

Saying pastoral ministry is not easy is an understatement. Many enter the call to full-time ministry at some level of social and economic disadvantage. Well-remunerated pastors are few. Many struggle even to make ends meet. Having written about wounded Christians in all walks of life, there is one group of people that the authors have left out: The clergy. This book is the answer to the many criticisms about excluding the clergy in the woundedness category. From burnout to blatant hurts, healing is a necessary process, and some of us might say, even more so for the clerical vocation. Frequently, those in the ministry of helping others need help themselves. It is widely expected that pastors have to comfort others in their times of grief. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said the other way around. Who comforts them when they are grieved? In some congregations, expectations of pastoral perfection can even lead to unrealistic assumptions that pastors with special calling will automatically experience God's comfort. What if God is using ordinary people to help the hurting pastors? What if we recognize that not everyone is like the Bible heroes of old, like Moses, Joshua, David, etc, where God was their personal Comforter, Deliverer, and Saviour? God can use supernatural means to help, but we should not restrict God from using ordinary people via ordinary means. This book is one ordinary way in which pastors can find a way to heal from their wounds. Written in three parts, authors James Fenimore and Carol Howard write about this process.

In Part One, we learn about "Identifying our Pain." The first step in any process of healing is to state the facts upfront. For Carol, she dealt with her pain by going on a spiritual journey to Israel. This was amid the pandemic. While she stayed on in the pastorate, her co-author James quit. Not only do they need to identify their pain, they need friends who understand what they are going through. Here, the authors show us how some of these friendships can be tricky. Questions need to be asked about whether one should share their struggles within the Church. Should one then always look outside the Church for a friend? They point out that we should think out of the box, find a hobby, to connect with others through continuing education, geographical conveniences, specialized support groups, etc.  We also need to learn how to tell our own stories. They provide a helpful list of "reflection prompts" to enable us to share well. 

Part Two is the heart of the book that deals with healing proper. It guides us to look honestly at our reactions and the reasons behind them. Many people try to cover up their hurts inappropriately. Whether it is through over-functioning or under-functioning, or how some react to various relationships in the organization, anxiety can push us over the limits of our behaviour. When we lose healthy boundaries, our hurts deepen. Other self-diagnostic measures include healthy recognition of expectations, grounded faith, secure identity, dealing with old baggage, etc. One of the most difficult is about forgiving those who have hurt us. The chapter "Forgiving Our Antagonist" is a tough one to read. The more wounded one is, the harder the read. Thankfully, the authors take the time to describe what forgiveness is and what it entails. 

Part Three on "Nurturing Our Growth" is an important step to build on any recovery. The world out there is cruel and difficult. Anyone who has been hurt before might be hurt again. The way forward is not to avoid interactions but to find ways to deal with them when the hurt happens. An important point is to tell the difference between seeing oneself as a "hurt victim" vs "wounded pastor." The former regrets and retreats into one's shell while the latter learns to deal with any disappointment and works toward recovery. 

My Thoughts

Let me offer three thoughts about this book.

First, it is a necessary resource for anyone in ministry. Who doesn't get hurt? Everyone gets hurt from time to time. Even for those who are not easily offended, it is simply a matter of time before someone does something to grieve them. Like driving on snow. One can be the most careful driver but there is no guarantee that others will do the same. Other drivers might lose control of their vehicles and hit us. Put simply, one should never assume "hurt immunity" syndrome. Having written a book for the general audience about identifying, recovering, and growing despite hurt situations, authors Merritt and Fenimore target this book at those in ministry, especially pastors. Truth is, pastors struggle a lot inside their closets. In the family, there is the challenge of having to manage family relationships amid a busy Church climate. There is the economic challenge where some pastors had to take on a second job just to make ends meet. One of the most challenging parts of ministry is none other than expectations. While it is generally agreed that it is impossible to please everyone, in practice, everyone expects to be pleased. There is also the frequent clashes between the various power bases in the Church. Many situations wound pastors, whether it is the diocese leadership, local Church boards, or even among fellow colleagues in the Church office.

Second, the book is targeted at healing and recovery. This is the key reason why anyone should pick up this book. With so few people in ministry and the needs overwhelming, we need to do what we can to help existing and prospective ministry workers. The last thing any Church needs is to lose capable and experienced people simply because they cannot recover from their wounds. As Ecclesiastes 3:7s reminds us, "there is a time to tear and a time to mend." For all the altruistic reasons to push on in ministry, workers need to pay more attention to self-care and soul-care. Some people think that they need to push on all the time because the needs are so great. No. Regular maintenance and healing is required. When wounds become learning lessons for healing, that would have been worth the price of this book.

Third, this book is a reminder for us to learn to sabbath regularly. The sabbatical principle of rest and restoration is a big opportunity for healing. Some churches do not believe in sabbaticals for their pastors. That is a real pity. We are all human. Pastors are not superhumans. I have heard some of my peers working non-stop because they are so devoted to their calling. Truth is, we should take sabbath intentionally to remind us that the ministry belongs to God. A burnt-out pastor is of no use. There is a threshold that if exceeded will result in diminishing returns. Sabbath is a way to give ourselves some space to hang out freely without guilt or expectations from others. A good healer is one who knows how to take care of himself/herself. Sabbath is more than simply a vacation time. It is a time to establish our links with God, the one who started the calling ministry altogether. Going back to the Creator without being obligated by outside pressures is a gift of Sabbath. 

Carol Howard Merritt is the pastor of Bedford Presbyterian Church in Bedford Village, outside of New York City. She is the author of Healing Spiritual Wounds: Reconnecting with a Loving God after Experiencing a Hurtful Church and Reframing Hope: Vital Ministry in a New Generation. She has also written two devotionals and is a popular speaker for preachers and church groups.

James Fenimore is a psychotherapist and congregational consultant with the Samaritan Counseling Center and is based out of Bedford, New York. He has served as a pastor and district superintendent in the United Methodist Church and is a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York state. He holds degrees in technology, theology, and psychology, often pursuing programs and projects that merge the three areas of study.

Rating: 4.25 stars out of 5.

conrade

---

This book has been provided courtesy of Westminster John Knox Press via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.