"The Way of Belonging" (Sarah E. Westfall)

TITLE: The Way of Belonging: Reimagining Who We Are and How We Relate
AUTHOR: Sarah E. Westfall
PUBLISHER: Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2024, (192 pages).

One of the paradoxes of relationships is that we can be together but still feel alone. Yearning for meaningful connections, many of us still struggle with maintaining relationships, let alone building them. Even families have problems with this. The Genesis story of how Adam and Eve hid from God after they sinned was a precursor to how we hide from one another today. Author Sarah Westfall admits that while we all desire deep relationships, we prefer to retreat to our shells of comfort. She describes this as "I belonged everywhere and nowhere all at once." Such conflicting push-pull experiences resemble a ubiquitous enigma in society. With this as impetus, Westfall embarks upon a journey to discover more about oneself before progressing toward how we relate to others. The author qualifies her work by maintaining that "belonging is not linear and cannot be prescribed." She gives us ten chapters on how we can relate to others. Hopefully, readers will find a relevant application in at least one or more. If we are honest, we will reject self-dependence in isolation and admit we need relationships with other people. Some ways to reimagine who we are and how we relate are:

• Getting to the source of our names; Naming our feelings;
• When people become vulnerable in their honest sharing;
• Learning to accept others who are different from us;
• Avoiding the superiority complex in us when relating to others;
• Personal stories of ups and downs;
• Humility in our doubts; Contentment amid uncertainly;
• Shared Curiosity with mysteries;
• Courage to move from the safety of shallowness to overcome fear of depth;
• Creating circles of vulnerability like the layers in Russian Matryoshka doll;
• Moving from Consumer to Creator;
• Practice Celebration;
• etc.

My Thoughts

At first, this book seems like nothing special. We all need relationships. It is better to give than to receive. We need to grow beyond ourselves. Many of these common beliefs are often talked about in society. For all the familiar statements, there is a strangely unfamiliar domain that many are either too shy or too afraid to make: Take initiative to connect. This book does not exactly tell us anything new. The reason why it is still necessary is because of non-action. Too many people know what is needed but are afraid to go beyond their comfort zones. Westfall reminds us constantly about the many ways in which we can branch out of ourselves into flourishing relationships. If all is good, then this book might not be needed. Unfortunately, we all need our asses kicked from time to time. This book does that.

Secondly, this book brings to mind that life is often a paradox. In getting relationships, we need to learn how to give. Relationships thrive not in individual silos but in vulnerable connections. Belonging comprises both inward and outward movements. We need to take the initiative to reach out. One big paradox today is the technological phenomena. We now have more ways to connect but people still need help to connect meaningfully. We have more apps and cellphones but they do not guarantee better human connections. Sherry Turkle from MIT has observed how technology can seem to bring people together but not fill the vacuum of loneliness. She notes that underlying this problem is the tendency of people to "expect more from technology and less from each other." Other commentators on our modern way of living like Andy Crouch. He notes with horror how he spends hours scrolling through updates of strangers and matters beyond his control while spending relatively less time with people within his own circles of influence. 

Finally, if there is anything unique about this book, it is the authors' vulnerability. It is not easy to open up and share one's life with the wider public. It takes courage and openness to all kinds of comments. She was not afraid to share her struggles with loneliness, moving out of her comfort shell, admitting she does not love meeting new people, feeling small amid her gloomy moments, her struggles as a new college student, messy emotions, recognizing our needs are not much different from panhandlers, etc. 

Thank you Sarah Westfall for the gift of sharing.

Sarah E. Westfall is a writer, speaker, and host of the Human Together podcast. Her previous work includes serving as director of community for online writing groups and as a student development professional on college campuses. She has been published in RELEVANT, Fathom Mag, and (in)courage. Sarah lives in Indiana with her husband, Ben, and four sons.

Rating: 4 stars out of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of InterVarsity Press via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.