"The Marriage Challenge" (Art Rainer)

TITLE: The Marriage Challenge: A Finance Guide for Married Couples
AUTHOR: Art Rainer
PUBLISHER: Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing, 2020, (192 pages).

All marriages have challenges. It could be due to different upbringing. It could be conflicts that arise out of differences in personalities. It could even be due to extended family relationships. Even some of the most mundane things in life could spark a big quarrel. Other big things include breakdown in communications; lack of attention to spousal needs; unmet expectations; insensitivity; and so on. Among the most common challenges is that of finance. During economic downturns, layoffs, and financial setbacks, marriages suffer. "A financially healthy couple doesn’t start with a checking account. It starts with unity. It starts with sacrificial, selfless love. It starts with both husband and wife moving away from “me” and toward “we.” Through this the gospel is displayed, and true financial health can be pursued." So begins author and pastor Art Rainer in this book dedicated to talking about financial relationships among couples. The three key things that Rainer advocates are:

1. Deciding to begin with unity, where "we" takes priority over "me."
2. Desiring after God's design via 8 Money Milestones;
3. Destroying the Four Marriage Dividers.

The challenge is to do all of that in the area of finance. In the first phase, by deciding to begin with unity, Rainer believes that the best starting point is to begin with what marriage is all about: Togetherness. If not, why get married in the first place? So the challenge is to begin with oneness; to work and think as a team; to let Scripture unite the couple; to talk about common responses toward money matters; and to increase understanding about net worth and what to do about it. Learning to manage money before letting money manage us is probably one of the most important considerations to have. 

Phase Two looks at the eight money milestones which enable couples to actively use money wisely. Learn to give; to save; and make the best of the financial tools available. Avoid debt as much as possible and to save up enough money for emergencies. Prepare for retirement. Generous living is one of the key aspects of living wisely. Phase Three is an interesting part of the book that warns us about four "marriage dividers" that are always there hiding somewhere.  Readers are warned about the dangers of poor communications, that money is basically a symptom rather than the cause. Rainer helpfully gives us three keys for better marriage and money communications. Then there is the natural tendency toward selfishness. After giving us ways to identify selfishness in our lives, we are guided toward what selflessness looks like. The third divider is "distrust" in which we learn how to minimize them by maximizing five trust building steps. The fourth divider is unrealistic expectations and Rainer teaches us how to go about setting appropriate money expectations.

My Thoughts

This book is not simply about money. It is how we can use money as an opportunity to build on greater understanding of healthy marital relationships. People often say that money makes the world go round. I would say, the lack of understanding of how money works would make the world go bonkers! In marriages, it could ruin relationships. The Bible has said that the love of money is the root of all evil. Thus, anything that guards us against that would be welcome. This book is one such guard to help us manage money before money manages us. Rainer keeps the book simple and engaging. It has clear steps for couples to read together and to take the challenges together. There are several creative ways to go about reading this book. 

First, one can read the book together and to use the book as a 30-Day challenge TOGETHER. When done as a couple, the book no longer becomes an individual endeavor but a united journey that enables couples to learn more about money management, and more importantly, about each other. It is highly important to see how the author emphasizes the "oneness" right from the start. The Bible in Genesis 2:24 defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman and together they become one flesh. Out of this union comes the togetherness aspect of marriage.

Second, while the best option would be to read the book together and to take the challenges together, circumstances do occur that couples might have to take the challenges separately at different times. This is still possible but couples would need to make a conscious commitment to do that. It is for the sake of the marriage. Perhaps, the couple could agree to be accountable to a third authority, for example a marriage counselor, an elder, a pastor, or some recognized person that the couple respect. This would take the pressure of individual spouses trying to keep track of the other person's progress. Of course, ideally, the couple should communicate with each other directly, but in the real world, the ideal sometimes don't happen.

Third, can one read and practice the marriage challenges alone? While not the best option, it is still possible. Maybe, there could be multiple cycles of 30-days that could be done both individually as well as together. Certain challenges might be more challenging than others. Be creative in how to practice the challenges. Maybe, instead of 30 days, make it 30 weeks, or be flexible with the duration for each challenge. That way, the book could become a regular reference in which to practice money management.

That said, I think this book offers lots of opportunities for couples to interact and to communicate their expectations to each other. Any positive move toward constructive engagement would have been worth the price of the book. 

Art Rainer is the Vice President for Institutional Advancement at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He holds a Doctor of Business Administration from Nova Southeastern University and an MBA from the University of Kentucky. He writes widely about issues related to finance, wealth, and generosity, and is the author of The Money Challenge: 30 Days of Discovering God's Design for You and Your Money. Art lives in Wake Forest, North Carolina with his wife, Sarah, and their three children.

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of B&H Publishing and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.