"Friendship in an Age of Loneliness" (Adam Smiley Poswolsky)

TITLE: Friendship in the Age of Loneliness: An Optimist's Guide to Connection
AUTHOR: Adam Smiley Poswolsky
PUBLISHER: New York, NY: Running Press, 2021, (272 pages).

Survey after survey, both research and reports have pointed to a growing problem in our society. People are increasingly lonely. With the pandemic, things are not going to get any better. In fact, loneliness has accelerated because of the many lockdowns implemented by governments around the world. Many researchers have pointed out social media as a negative influence when it comes to addressing loneliness. While it is true that social media could have adverse effects on people, especially those with prolonged usage, leading to addiction, technology can still be useful to help people build friendship networks to connect with people. The key is proper usage instead of total abandonment. Author Adam Poswolsky takes this approach and goes further. He argues that the two keys for a happier life are to make new friends and to deepen existing ones. When our efforts to reach out are reciprocated, the relationship grows. In this book, he gives readers six ways to reclaim friendships in an age of loneliness:

1. Be More Playful
2. Be a Better Friend
3. Invest in Friendship
4. Stay in Touch
5. Embrace Ritual
6. Be a Minister for Loneliness in the community

In each of these steps, Poswolsky gives several specific applications to help us build friendship maps; be a better friend ourselves; invest time and resources to build networks; keep in touch intentionally; maintain a variety of activities that are regular even though they seem routine; and be a channel for change. These and a lot more examples should spark our interest and enthusiasm toward becoming a positive change in society. 

As the saying goes, no man is an island. Poswolsky knows this not merely for a fact but for real as well. He writes, "Friendship sustains us through the most trying of times." Since the beginning of the pandemic, as the world gets locked down, the loneliness that is felt throughout the world, especially in the Western hemisphere has become more acute than before. Amid the devastating effects of lockdowns caused by the pandemic, author Adam Smiley Poswolsky gives us many reasons for optimism. Using technology like Zoom, one can keep in touch with friends even when in isolation. There is no need to travel long distances just to see one another. We could also connect without having to step out of our doors. Office work can be done from home, without having to deal with traffic congestion. Yet, to depend on technology and social media alone will not cut it. Poswolsky shows us alternatives every step of the world, choosing not to quit social media totally, but to persuade all to consider these alternatives creatively.

My Thoughts

The problem of loneliness is not new. The Bible has already mentioned that. In Genesis 2:18, we read how "The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Whether one sees this verse as the reason for marriage, whether the word "helper" is too derogatory for women, or whether this verse is too focused on the need of Adam, it is important to take a step back to reflect on the character of God. Perhaps, the Creator of the world knew right from the very start that the human being is a social creature. Humans cannot function alone. Humans are essentially in need of companionship. Humans are created to interact, fellowship, and live in a community. What if this verse in Genesis is applied more inclusively to include every person in the human race? Not everyone is going to get married. Not everybody can find a "suitable helper." Not every person is going to live happily ever after in some sort of one-to-one relationship. What if Gen 2:18 is a revelation of the natural tendency of a person to be lonely, and a magnifying glass to the need of human beings to live in a community? 

Poswolsky has given us a wonderful resource for addressing loneliness. His key point is about reclaiming friendships in an increasingly lonely world. Why is it so challenging to make friends nowadays? This is interesting because many people would agree that family and friends rank high in their list of priorities. Yet, on closer examination, they put themselves and their own individual needs above these claims. This reveals the natural hypocrisy in many of us. We need to change that and this book provides us a way to think outside ourselves, to live beyond ourselves, and to learn to initiate care and friendliness. That way, we can change the world and not wait for things to happen before even trying. Filled with lots of ready-to-use ideas and examples, readers can pick up this book quickly and start reclaiming friendships.

Adam Smiley Poswolsky is a graduate of Wesleyan University. He is a popular keynote speaker, workplace belonging expert, and bestselling author of The Quarter-Life Breakthrough (Penguin Random House) and The Breakthrough Speaker.

Rating: 4 stars of 5.

conrade

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This book has been provided courtesy of Running Press (Imprint of Perseus Books, a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group) via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.